People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

Rihanna - Word on the street is that she is taking back Chris Brown. My god did you see what he did to your face? If someone beats you to an inch of your life and you still don't dump them, then clearly you are suffering from some debilitating disease, thus no vote.

People who are pulled from rivers or creeks - First of all I would object to saving these morons in the first place. Who the hell gets randomly tossed into a river. The only exception to jump in a raging river is to save your dog. Back to my original point, if you are saved from such a predicament then you should immediately do two things: pay the city for your rescue and turn in your voter card.

Fashion designers/executives - What is the issue with making a size 31 jean? You have no problem going from 32 to 33 to 34 to 35... but apparently the engineering behind a size 31 jean is on par with creating cold fusion.

Jimmy Buffet fans (Parrot Heads) - Look, Cheeseburger in Paradise and Margaritville are catchy songs. But for a culture and fan base to form around some crappy, catchy songs is unfathomable. As I have mention in previous entries, being a lemming is a one way ticket to novoteville. Also check this NSFW short making fun of Jimmy Buffet and other "yacht rock".



ACORN - ACORN was last in the news during the 2008 campaign when it was revealed that they were registering people multiple times. The mainstream media laughed it off and just said the perpetrators were over zealous staff workers. But now ACORN has reached an evener lower low. Members of ACORN are now squatting in foreclosed and seized homes. Their argument is that these are people who are paying their bills (which they aren't) and that banks should wait until Obama's mortgage plan is announced. The head of ACORN New York in an interview with Fox Business said "I wish we could force banks to do our will." (click link for video) Anyone associated with ACORN should either give up their right to vote or move to Canada.

The Haney Project: Meltdown in Atlanta

It's about time that someone devoted a show to the Haney's out there. Although, I think that they accidently wrote Atlanta, when they meant to write Kildeer (jk jk lol cats).

So, I don't really have much to say today, but I'm hung over b/c I drank last night (which is something I rarely do anymore), so I'd thought I'd write about something from my childhood/family/slash. If this is written weirdly, it's just b/c I don't really care right now.

-Growing up, we used to go on family trips in our van ALL THE TIME. Disney World, Disney Land, Yosemite National Park, Rhode Island, New York, Mexico, Montreal. You name it, we drove there. In fact, I've driven through every single state in the continental USA, and parts of Mexico and Canada. Anyway, one of the things I remember most about these trips was all the delicious fast food we would eat (most notably McDonald's). Now you see where my obsession with fast food comes from. It's actually a wonder that we never won the Monopoly game considering how many pieces we would accumulate. Anyway, whenever we would go into a fast food restaurant to eat, my dad would bring in his little 'Playmate' cooler with him that was stocked full of cans of pop. Because of this, we were rarely allowed to order a drink wherever we were, b/c we were forced to drink the pop from the cooler ( to save $). Imagine being 8 years old and going into McDonald's with your own cans of pop. Needless to say (yet I'm still saying it; totally going against my previous 'needless to say' statement), this was utterly embarrassing for me. Also, although you are not allowed to bring a cooler into an actual sit down restaurant (like Denny's for example), we were never (and I mean NEVER) allowed to order orange juice for breakfast. Mainly b/c the cost of it and you don't get free refills. I sometimes laugh at the thoughts of the waitress me asking what I'd have to drink and me looking at my Dad for approval for the OJ, only to be denied. Then when the waitress would leave my Mom would tell me that it was OK for me to get the orange juice, when we all knew this wasn't the case.

K, that's all I got for now. I'm gonna go and maybe get some food now. And for those of you in my fantasy bball league, I just dropped Rodney Stuckey from my team. Feel free to pick him up, b/c he sucks ass ball face.

Also, Tom and I will obviously be starting another bracket pool for the NCAA tournament and all of you are welcome to participate. It will just be on ESPN or Yahoo.Sports probably, so looks for updates on that.

Later Kimosabes, <-- (you like that Steve?)

-M-

4 Thumbs Up, 4 Thumbs Down

4 Thumbs Up to Nike: The following commercial is some of the best work they have ever done.



4 Thumbs Down to Barney Frank: In case you missed it, Barney Frank wrote a letter to Northern Trust demanding that they repay the federal government back money they lavishly spent on their recent PGA tournament. Here is the deal Barney, Northern Trust, unlike pretty much every other bank, is actually doing quite well. They deal with the comically wealthy and don't even give out credit cards because they see them as too risky. They took the TARP money because you made them take it, I guess in the same way that banks made people take loans they didn't want. But I digress, Northern Trust signed a 5 year sponsorship deal with the PGA over a year ago. The hotels and music groups they booked don't have the same refund and cancellation policies that a dollar store does. So please Barney, go back home and reapply your head to your ass.

4 Thumbs Up to Mel Gibson: First of all anyone who calls a female cop "sugar tits" is alright by me but Mel out does himself with this short on Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, and did I mention his bad-ass facial hair? Gene the bar has been raised.



4 Thumbs Down to Microsoft: This is completely random but how did Microsoft fumble windows media player? You have a program that is already on every computer in America. You have millions of teenage boys using it everyday yet you get absolutely crushed by iTunes. Come on Microsoft you are better than that.

This, That, and the Other

-I have been noticing recently how loud and annoying people are at school who are not speaking English. It's like they have no concept that others are around. Just because I don't know what you're saying doesn't make it any less annoying. I've taken into consideration my raging racism on this one, but I don't think that's why I get so annoyed. News flash to people who speak another language; "I can still hear you! This isn't sign language, buddy. Shut the fuck up!"

-While on that note, there is one language that I find extremely soothing. I've noticed this whilst at the library recently studying for my first part of the CPA exam (which sucked balls, by the way). I've come to realized that I love the sound of a nice Chinese whisper. And since I study upstairs at Grainger Library a lot, there is no shortage of this. Call me racist against Chinese people if you will, but "How can it be racist if I like them?"

-Making your bed = retarded. I find it acceptable IF you are dating someone who will not sleep with you unless your bed is made, or you are planning on bringing a girl back from a bar (who I'm sure wouldn't mind anyway because if she's willing to sleep with a complete stranger, then I doubt a neatly made bed is where she draws the line).

-I thought this was funny. A few months ago, I sent in my application for the CPA and included a copy of my official transcript (as was required). They sent me a letter back a couple weeks later saying "We may or may not have received your transcripts." REALLY? What is the point of notifying me about this? My status or position hasn't changed in any way as a result of this information. Way to go dirt-merchants on the Illinois Board of Examiners.

Until next time,

-M-

Random Musings

Who the hell comes up with the words that ticketmaster uses to verify your account? Yesterday I got exodus and diapers. And the day before that I got holly and steamboat.

During Sunday's Academy Awards the cast of Slumdog Millionaire walked the red carpet and sat together. Much of the camera's attention focused on the two stars of the film (Jamal and Latika). Which got me to thinking, is Jamal crushed if he can't pull in Latika in real life? First the producers of the movie felt they would be good together and then in the actual movie she risks her life escaping to see him. In the words of 1981 David Bowie, under pressure...

Honestly, how do the Phillies get Cole Hamels to sign for 3 years and 21 million? And how was there not a strike over this? The union is fighting over steroids and HGH all the while completely ignoring one of the worst deals of all time.

I know a lot of you don't have HBO but if you do and aren't watching Big Love then you are a fool. More happens in one episode than in an entire season of Lost.

Ed... Drivers Ed

Meet Mr. Pudlo. He will forever be one of my favorite teachers and I will always remember him. I only had one class with him, but it was quite memorable: drivers education. If you've ever wondered to yourself how someone could deal with a bunch of adolescents day after day, and sit in the passenger seat of a car while they learn how to drive, I have an answer for you. They have had a labodomy. I seriously think that Mr. Pudlo had the part of his brain that makes him sad or upset removed. He has the uncanny ability to take simple instructions and turn them into a 4 minute comedic improv about how not to drive. He would turn a serious situation, such as a car accident and turn it into a laughing matter without even trying. His favorite way to "scare" us was to describe some extenuating circumstance, and then "BAAAHAHAHAAAMMM" you hit the guard rail and fly through your windsheild. Anyone else telling the story, it would be sad, tragic. With him, it was like watching Peter Griffin tell people they have AIDS. In fact, one of the most vivid memories of my life was during my study hall sophomore year when he came to pick me up for our on the road lesson. He broke the news of the 9/11 attacks to the entire room. He announced that a large building in New York was on fire. Then that it was probably terrorists that did it. Nobody knew how to react because of the way he is... was he just taking things to the extreme like always? And that driving lesson will forever be a memory of how confusing life can be.

He also instructed us in the practice of dealing with road kill from the movie Tommy Boy: "Never put an animal that you hit with your car in the back seat, especially in a soft top. It might wake up and 'hoof' you to death, or at least tear up your interior pretty good." He said this in such a matter, and with such vibrant hand motions and full body animation that you could not help but forget about all the homework and quizzes coming up the rest of your day. We also had the pleasure of playing against him in the intramural leagues before school. Imagine this man talking trash, needless to say if he scored you were demoralized beyond your wildest imagination.

This is a video one of his students posted on YouTube. It is a little long, but I can't help but smile and remember the good times in learning how to drive. Perhaps this explains how I became the driver I am today: forever afraid of ridicule at the hands of one of the most sarcastic men I have ever known. Here's to you, Mr. Pudlo.

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote: Marketing and Adveritising Edition

People who work in marketing or advertising - Whenever I talk to freshman or high school seniors I often get asked "what was the easiest class you took in college?" Easy I say, marketing, and this is coming from someone who majored in sports management. While we all bemoaned marketing and ad majors for going out 6 nights a week and only realizing it was the weekend when the bars were more crowded at 5 pm, we didn't make our feelings felt because we knew a rude awakening was in store for them. But alas, our good friends in Hollywood have finally pulled back the curtain to reveal an industry ripe with laziness and fraud. Shows like "Mad Men" and "Trust Me" chronicle an industry where white people drink, smoke, and fool around all the while pretending to actually be doing work. "What Women Want" brought this industry's laissez-faire attitude to the big screen but unfortunately the big wigs in advertising and marketing got wind of it and convinced the producers to brand the movie a romantic comedy. So to these people who do no more work than street corner charlatans selling Street Wise, your right to vote has been revoked.

Bud Light guy - This guy is simply a douche. Drawing a 1 ton dumbbell and letting us know it "weighs a ton" is not funny. And purposely drawing trees to cause a skier to fall is downright dangerous and reprehensible. Look, God gave you an awesome power and until you start using it for good you lose your ability to vote.

People who own Volkswagens - Personally I was split on this one because I know a few good, hard working, and cool people who drive VWs. While their ads have always been annoying and often caused you to change the channel, they never crossed the line. Now they have. This new ad campaign of "the people want this" or "the people want that" is so excruciating that I don't care if first channel I flip to is Gossip Girl because anything is better than those commercials. By purchasing a VW you are rubber stamping their advertising and marketing while also rubber stamping your papers terminating your right to vote.

That's Politics Bitch

First, I would like to thank all of you out there who voted for Barack Obama. Because of you government spending will make up 30% of our GDP in 2009 and by 2011 it will make up 40%. For reference, Bush came into office with government spending at 20% and left with it at 23%.

Now you may ask yourself, so what if 40% of out GDP is government spending? Countries whose government spending makes up 40% to 45%of their GDP: Spain, France, and Italy. So again, thank you for believing in "change" and "hope".

Change? Spare some change?

Speaking of change, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid promised that if Democrats controlled Congress they would post any bill online 48 priors to voting on it. And what do you know two bills have been passed and neither was put up 48 prior to being voted upon.

Surely there must have been a reason to get the stimulus bill passed so quickly? Yes there was, Nancy Pelosi had a date with the Pope.

Now don't get me wrong, the Pope is a big deal, but I'd think a call from Nancy explaining the situation would be well received from Pope Benedict.

On a side note I can't believe the Pope is meeting with her considering she is one of the leaders of a party that believes a fetus is a parasite.

Jet-setting

During the campaign Barack Obama promised that he would wait five days until signing a bill. His reasoning was that he wanted to give the American public a chance to review the bill and also meet with its opponents.

Well Barack didn't wait five days to sign the bill but instead waited four. Now one day isn't that big of a deal but he did make a promise.

What really got me going was that instead of meeting with opponents of the bill he was jet-setting to Chicago and Denver. All the while cutting off my parents on their way to dinner.

Unfairness doctrine

There is also word that Democrats want to revive the fairness doctrine. The fairness doctrine would require radio stations to give equal time to liberal and conservative talk.

How this is remotely constitutional I have no idea but what really matters is that they think it should be reinstated. Talk about a bunch of sore winners.

Liberals already control print media and television, do they have to have it all? It was reported that during the last campaign journalists contributed to Democrats at a rate of 90-1. Here's an idea, rather than donating that money to politicians how bout giving it back to your failing newspapers and magazines.

Speaking of magazines, the year prior to the November 4th election Barack Obama was on the cover of Time and Newsweek 26 times, John McCain...5.

Anyways I while I could go on forever, I have recently been liking me some Glenn Beck. Beck was on CNN and how is over at Fox News. Yes I know, horrific Fox News. But he is a libertarian, much like myself, and he recently stated his 9 principles and while I don't completely agree with all of them they do form a solid albeit simple base of principles.

Random Musings

Is it just me or is creating an event on facebook surprisingly difficult? Setting the date and filling out a description is pretty easy but picking who to invite to the event can prove rather troublesome. As I click on people to invite my mind is overcome with thoughts that generally only exist in the minds of pre-pubescent girls. "If I invite him does that mean I have to invite her as well?" "If I don't invite her and she finds out what do I say?" Facebook needs to make events be completely invisible unless you are invited.

How has Barry Bonds not hired a hit man to kill Mark Fainaru-Wada? Fainaru-Wada wrote the book "Game of Shadows" which pretty much killed all of Bond's endorsement money, ended his playing career early, and triggered a federal perjury investigation. And Fainaru-Wada didn't stop there. After writing the book he took a job with ESPN that's sole purpose was follow Bonds and find more incriminating evidence. Bonds will pay his trainer to sit in jail rather than testify but he won't pay a hit man? That's a story that needs investigating.

How do you make Teen Wolf and American Werewolf in London and not use the epic ballad "Werewolves of London" in either of them?

It's no secret that part of the Super Bowl's success is due to it being on a Sunday and having a week or two weeks of build-up. With this in mind the World Series, NBA Finals, and Stanley Cup Playoffs should schedule all game 7s on Sundays and start them at 5:30 central time. They also should schedule a minimum of two days between game 6 and game 7 to allow for hype to build-up.

I'm not a fan of horror movies but this trailer does intrigue me -


For those who liked that cover of "Sweet Child O' Mine" it was done by Taken By Trees.

4 Thumbs Up/Down

"4 Thumbs Up/Down" will be a new segment in which I give people, places, or things 4 thumbs up or 4 thumbs down (in honor of Rick James).

4 Thumbs Up to Trent Meacham: Boy Wonder finally came through in a big game. A tip of the cap is also given to Wayne McClain for developing the press that made Northwestern crap the bed.

4 Thumbs Down to the Northwestern student section: The chants of "it's okay you'll be working for us someday" may be immature but you go over the line when you taunt Jeff Jordan by asking him if his Dad is at the casino or whorehouse. Oh and throwing your shoe at a ref doesn't help either.

4 Thumbs Up to Randy Moller: The NHL Florida Panther's play by play man sure has a flair for the dramatic and hilarious.


4 Thumbs Down to Alfie Patten: Alfie became a father at the tender age of 13. No really.

4 Thumbs Up to Gus Johnson: I wish you could call every Illinois game and just when I thought you couldn't top rise and fire or hell yes! you go and do this -


4 Thumbs Down to woman in front of me at the AT&T Store: Here's the deal, there isn't a bluetooth headset on Earth distracting enough to stop people from vomiting in their mouths at the mere sight of your face.

To those of you who know Gene...

This applies to those of you who know Gene, or will one day meet him for that matter. For those unaware, Gene hasn't given Tom, Fig, or I the deposit back yet from our apartment last year. It has been about 8 months since he got the check back from our realtor. We've asked him repeatedly for our portion of the check, only to have our requests cast aside, like the sane thoughts from the mind of Joaquin Phoenix (http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/video_player/index/php/978097.phtml).

You see, Gene doesn't understand why people would want money back that is rightfully theirs. He is of the mindset that you'll just get your money when you get it. So I write this as a warning, and hopeful benefit to those who would one day think of loaning Gene money, or anything for that matter. To you I say "DON'T!!!”.

Think of this post and how we still wait, helpless, and completely relying on Gene's nonchalant attitude about paying people back. Perhaps, if enough people ban together we can triumph against this grave injustice, and Gene can learn from his ways and emerge a better human being. This I pray.

Until next time,

-M-

Captain Poo Face

I haven't posted in almost a month, so I thought I write something. But all that comes to mind are stories from college. So I thought I'd share one with you.

I was once in a business law class that had an extra credit sheet passed around each day for attending that day's class. This was a particularly difficult course and each extra credit point was very important.

I feel that I must mention that the professor of the course was, simply put, the most serious, bad ass professor the world has ever known. However, his writing on the board was absolute shit and required a solid 5 minutes of devotion to decipher. Because of this, it was extremely important to keep up with what he said, and not rely on his chicken scratch writing. As the extra credit sheet came to me, while my professor was mid-sentence, I asked my roommate (who shall remain unnamed) if he could sign my name for me so that I could continue to take notes and not get behind. My roommate did and class continued as normal.

Two days later, at the next business law class, when the extra credit sheet came around to me, I noticed that my name from the previous class had been crossed out in red marker. When I took a closer look to see why, I saw that my signature for that day was "Captain Poo Face". My jerk-off roommate thought it would be funny to write that instead of my name. Normally I would let this slide, because any sort of confrontation with my professor was the last thing I wanted. But because I needed every point for this class, I had to speak with my professor after class about this incident.

When class ended, I walked up to the front of the class to explain the situation. My face was beet red from embarrassment and I was sweating profusely (as all Haney's do). As I fumbled over my words and tried to explain the situation to him, I noticed that my professor wouldn't look me directly in the eyes. He continued to look just off to the side, making the conversation even more awkward and embarrassing. Finally, when I was done explaining, and had completely pitted through my shirt he said two things in his always serious tone.

"Looks like you should choose some better friends" and that he'd give me the point back.

I guess he took pity on me for having to try to explain myself to him. But you should know that I got back at my roommate by setting part of his beloved POS recliner chair on our balcony on fire one glorious night.

Just another awkward moment in the life of a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald (TBD)" man.

Until next time,

-M-

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

Women who wear body shapers or bust boosters - Years ago it became acceptable for women to hide/improve their appearance by painting their faces, i.e. makeup. Now TV Charlatans are hawking garments that slim women by 4 dress sizes and improve their bust size by 2 cups. These are the same women who often make fun of boys for playing video games while they have basically become walking, breathing avatars. Women who go to this length to hide their true appearance have no business contributing to democracy.

Isiah Thomas' Mother - No not the mother of the former Detroit Piston bad boy and former coach/GM of the New York Knickerbockers but rather the mother of current Washington Huskie freshman point guard Isiah Thomas. Look, naming your child the same name as a famous person is one of the stupidest acts a parent can partake in. Thus, no vote.

People who rip on A-Rod for taking steroids - Here's the deal, if someone offered you $250 million dollars and all you had to do was take steroids and you said no than you are gigantic liar.

Roger Federer - Take your beating like a man. Your crying only gives more ammunition to those who say tennis is for sissies.

People who like Bruce Springsteen - This was long overdue, but people who like "the Boss" should immediately be stripped of all voter rights. This is a man who made money off of 9/11 with songs like Empty Sky, Into the Fire, and My City of Ruins. Nickelback fans now have people to make fun of with Bruce's latest hits "Girls in their summer clothes" and "Working on a dream."

Top 10 TV Comedies of All Time

1. Seinfeld- Without question the best show of all time. Nothing more really needs to be said.

2. Arrested Development - While Arrested was only on the air for 3 seasons, every episode was pure gold. Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Michael Cera were fantastic and the show was helped with a slew of cameo's and bit parts from great actors like Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Ben Stiller, Charlize Theron, and Amy Poehler.

3. South Park - What started out as a show about fart jokes and poo humor became one of the best satirical shows of all time. What makes South Park great is they go from satrical episodes to poo joke episodes without skipping a beat.

4. Frasier - During its run, Frasier was overshadowed by Friends, a show for dumb people and girls. However Frasier is not only highly rewatchable, the comedy is incredibly witty and very well written. Throw in sitcom pros like Kelsey Grammar and David Hyde Pierce and you have a dynamo of a show.

5. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Day man, what if Jesus was aborted?, the gang solves the gas crisis, the gang solves the North Korean problem, I could go on but you get the idea. Always Sunny has churned out about 50 episodes that you could stack up against any show above it on this list. If Always Sunny can churn out another 50 of the same quality it may be knocking on Seinfeld's door.

6. Simpsons - Some may think its sacrilegious to put South Park ahead of the Simpsons, its just that the Simpsons has lost its edge and is no longer really relevant. That and the South Park movie was funnier than the Simpsons move.

7. That 70's Show - Yes I know the last season of the show was terrible. Yes I know the last season got terrible ratings. But if AMC and Versus can forget that Rocky 5 was made then why can't I forget that season 8 exists? Before you hate on this pick, please go and watch a few episodes. Every character is perfectly cast and the writing is extremely witty and well thought out. Oh and for you Midge fans, according to Haney Midge was in a soft core porno called Sins of Desire.

8. Curb Your Enthusiasm - Seinfeld redux.

9. Chapelle Show - While Chapelle Show was only on for 2 seasons, or 3 if you count the season where they played clips, every episode was hilarious and the show itself left a mark on society. Ask yourself how many times in your life you said, I'm Rick James bitch, Unity!, game blouses, or cocaine is a hell of a drug.

10. 30 Rock - Here's the deal, I'm 23 and I wasn't around for I Love Lucy or MASH. 30 Rock is the best written show on TV now and I have no doubts it will continue to pump out great material for many more seasons. Also Alec Baldwin is simply incredible. I almost laugh just looking at him. DYNOMITE!

Best of the rest, these shows were close but in the end either had too many flaws or not enough episodes:

Married with children - Great show, great acting, but the writing got old and the storyline went from slightly ridiculous to change the channel ridiculous.

The Office - After last season I was very close to laying off The Office. However, this season has been brilliant and with a few more seasons like this it will most likely move into my top 10.

Just Shoot Me - This show is a personal favorite of mine but it suffers because it never really had any memorable episodes.

The Nanny - Another personal favorite although it jumped the shark when Miss Fine married Mr. Sheffield. Which reminds me that the writers of Friends are entering new territory and have handled it pretty well.

Cheers - Cheers didn't qualify for my list because it is a dramedy. And it takes place in Boston, and Boston sucks.

Smallville - Unneeded Baywatch style slow-mos, men in masks and tights, a guy who looks like a penis, and more homoerotic moments then all the Rocky movies combined help make Smallville CW's most successful comedy.

On the Road to Defeated

Sadly last night Iowa decided to put the fix in. The combination of Iowa literally missing uncontested lay-ups and Devan Dum(b)es not missing a shot led to the Indiana Rednecks Hicks Hoosiers to actually getting their first Big Ten victory.

However, On the Road to Defeated is not dead. Oh no, we will now move onto the DePaul Blue Demons. DePaul is currently 0-10 in the Big East with really no hope in sight.

So please keep looking forward to On the Road to Defeated as we chronicle DePaul's run to infamy.
And not to worry, we will be checking in from time to time on our inbred neighbors to the east and their fake baking coach.

Chances of DePaul going defeated: 68.5%

Random Super Bowl Musings

First Half

- I was going to mention how good Jennifer Hudson was...but she lip-synced.

- Alex Flanagan, NBC eye candy sideline reporter quoted F Scott Fitzgerald (my other other brother from another mother) "there are no second acts in American lives" and then said that he must not have known Kurt Warner. Really Alex? First of all Fitz, died thirty years before Warner was born and secondly you had two weeks to think of an intro and this was the best you could do?

- Outside of injuries, is the only time both teams fan's cheer when the kickoff is returned between the 25 and 28 yard lines?

- Hey Gerald Hayes (Cardinals LB), when it's second and goal from the 6 and you let up a 5 yard run, please don't do a Ray Lewis gravedigger dance.

- When Pepsi decided to compare Bob Dylan to Will I Am they ended all chance I would ever say yes when a waiter asks me "is Pepsi ok?"

- GoDaddy.com is getting old.

- Apparently James Harrison is the best defensive player in the NFL, yet I know more about Alexander Ovechkin...and the NHL has a marketing problem?

- Note to NBC, when using Roman numerals to tell us what Super Bowls a player or coach was in please leave them up there for more than three seconds.

Halftime Show

- Hello red.

- He who shall not be named blows his load early by playing Born to Run second.

- Real quick, your a CIA agent about to torture a terrorist when you receive a memo from the Messiah President Obama stating that water boarding is no longer allowed. Do you play Nickelback "Photograph" or He who shall not be named "Working on a Dream" to get the intel out of him? *Answer at the bottom*

- Is it just me or did anyone else laugh out loud during the Toyota Tundra commercial when they said tranny? Maybe its because I'm not a car guy but when I think of transvestites and trucks I think of this:

- Why am I listening to Jerome Bettis talk about body language? When did he become an expert on that?

Second Half

- So let me get this straight, James Harrison went from being cut four times by the Steelers and Ravens to Defensive MVP of the league yet no one brings up steroids or HGH? I mean it's not like their team doctor was arrested for distributing HGH to elderly people...oh wait he was.

- Larry Fitzgerald finally arrives.

- God I love hearing my name.

- Why do people boo on instant replay? The only time I could ever think it was acceptable was when the ref explained the "tuck rule".

- Back-up Steelers TE Matt Spaeth grabs a catch and the Steeler fans chant Heeeeaaath, for Heath Miller. Just goes to show that even in the year 2009 with a black president racism is still alive.

- Beyond getting my ESPN Streak for the Cash streak up to 6 I didn't really care who won this game. Then I saw Steelers kicker Jeff Reed. This man gives white people everywhere a bad name.

- For the record when the Steelers had the ball on 3 and it was 3rd and goal I called a QB draw. Witnessed by Emily and Haney.

- Was it just me and Deano or did John Madden draw a penis when he diagrammed the Larry Fitzgerald touchdown?

- Al Michaels dropping some vocab on us with the word "alacrity." You knew somewhere Bill Raferty was smiling...and muttering "man to man!"

- Note to the NFL and NBC, stop trying to pose on the Stanley Cup with the "quest for the Lombardi" crap. Players and coaches want to be Super Bowl champions, not once has a player or coach said "we are on a quest for Lombardi."

- How is Warner's "fumble" not reviewed? Cardinal fans can now forever say this game is tainted. That and the fact that their team was called for about 21 penalties.

Postgame

- Troy Polamalu played like a dog.

- Ben Roethlisberger has to be the worst QB to ever play in two Super Bowls, much less win two of them.

- Budweiser, Bud Light, and Bud Light Lime pulled a Jake Delhomme today. (For those unaware of what that means, Budweiser sucked)

Budweiser =

*Answer to above question on what to do to the terrorist:

Trick question, you are Jack Bauer and are now working outside the government. You shoot the terrorist in the kneecap and he immediately gives you the location of the dirty bomb.

Inner Thoughts during the Superbowl

Jennifer Hudson has some major pipes. One of the best National Anthems that I have heard. Reminded me a lot of Whitney Houston before she went crazy. Of course, she is has some work to do to match the greatness of Scottimus putting on a show at the White Horse Inn circa 2007.

NBC needs to get rid of John Madden. He is very old, and I am tired of listening to his ramblings. It's bad enough that I have to listen to him commentate my video games, but Sunday Night Football? The Superbowl? I'm more than ready for his retirement.

Thank you, Ben Patrick, for bringing back the TD Salute.



















Ben Roethlisberger has a very large chin... and a sweet shirt
























Mike Tomlin looks a lot like Omar Epps (the black doctor on House). I think this picture is Tomlin dressed like a doctor for Halloween.

I hate that teams have moved to passing the ball inside the five yard line. Pull up your skirt and pound the ball in already. At least give a play action boot or something. I guess anything would be better than a 100 yard intercepti0n return to end the half.

I wonder if the Bruce Springsteen planned on powersliding crotch-first into the camera.

New Transformers movie... yes. More Megan Fox... HELL YES.

MC Hammer and Ed McMahon in a Cash 4 Gold commercial... entertaining, but sad.

Becks beer is very good. I don't even mind drinking it by myself.

Chalula hot sauce is amazing. Well worth the $5... or a trip to your local Qdoba.

I can't help but root for Kurt Warner. He's got a good underdog story, if you give him time he's the best QB in the league, he gives back a lot to charity, and he's a family man. AND, he helped me win my fantasy football league.

Penalties have been a HUGE part of this game. Big Ben make a rediculous throw and Holmes an equally amazing catch to get out of their own goal line, only to be negated by a holding penalty in the endzone for a safety. I guess it makes for an exciting finish...

Larry Fitzgerald, you... are rediculous!

Santonio Holmes... YOU... ARE... REDICULOUS!!!

Wow! What a game! The best game since... well... last year.

What can I say? I guess turnovers inside the Red Zone really do kill you. Only 8 months til next season.