Thursday, April 30, 2009

That's Politics Bitch



- Arlen Specter is a douche. In case you missed it, Arlen, a five term Republican Senator, switched to the Democratic Party thus putting them one vote away from a filibuster proof majority. Arlen cited "philosophical" differences and that he knew he wouldn't win the Republican primary in 2010. First, you are a 79 year old FIVE TERM Senator. Please don't tell me that now you have philosophical differences. Secondly, you are a whore. Switching political parties just to win a senate seat makes you no better, and truthfully way worse than a hooker turning tricks at night. Just be lucky I didn't vote for you because if I had I would literally pick up a piece of poo that had already come out of your mouth and throw it back in your face.

- I got through the first half of Obama's "press conference" yesterday before I almost punched a hole threw a wall. Real quick though, is it really a press conference when you already have a list of preordained reporters to call on, have talking points on teleprompters, and don't call on Fox News which might actually ask you a tough question? I'll let you decide but I digress. Yesterday a reporter asked Obama about his commencement speech at Notre Dame and how it might anger Catholic voters who disagree with his stance on abortion and his desire to pass the Freedom of Choice Act (the Freedom of Choice Act would abolish all state and local rules regarding abortion, thus allowing children to get an abortion without adult or pediatrician consent). Obama responded that he had been very consistent on his opinion, yada yada yada, but then he said this,

"The reason I'm pro-choice is because I don't think women take that -- that position casually. I think that they struggle with these decisions each and every day. And I think they are in a better position to make these decisions ultimately than members of Congress or a president of the United States, in consultation with their families, with their doctors, with their doctors, with their clergy."

Really you turd? The Freedom of Choice Act allows children to not have to consult with their parents, doctors, or clergymen. When he said this I almost turned into the Hulk last night. Thankfully there wasn't a baby present because I would have punted it.

- I also loved how once again Obama blamed the deficit on Bush. Really Barack? Bush didn't control the budget, Congress did. As a member of the Democrat controlled Senate from 2006 - 2008 you voted for more spending and supported the Bush bailout and even asked that it be made bigger. Read more about it here. But seriously, for how long will Obama blame Bush? I'm guessing he will never stop.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote: Celtics Edition



Kevin Garnett - Besides getting an 11 on his ACT Kevin was also responsible for taking part in a lynching. That's right, a lynching. Anyways, has anyone gone from sentimental favorite to national douche bag quicker than Kevin Garnett? Throw in a vocabulary that consists of the words mother and f$#%&r and Kevin Garnett has instantly become my second most hated player in the NBA. (Eric Gordon being #1)

Kendrick Perkins - When did Kendrick Perkins become Shaquille O'Neal? Check that, even Shaq didn't get away with the crap that Perkins is doing to Noah. Perkins has literally thrown every thing but a Devan Dumes nut punch at Noah yet Noah is the one with a technical foul this series.

Rajon Rondo - The crack staff at DPTOTI has done some investigating of their own and last night Rondo's Escalade does indeed have a "When in doubt punch Brad Miller in the face" bumper sticker.

Paul Pierce - Surpassing Tim Duncan's whinyness ranks up there with Ripken breaking Gehrig's streak. The more I watch Pierce play the more I wish his knife fight wounds were career ending. Note, I didn't say life ending.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday Potpourri

Every Friday the staff of DPTOTI will put together a hodge-podge of
various stories, news, and happenings.

- TMNT live action movie in the works for 2011, care of Scottimus

- Kenny Powers now twitters, and it's hilarious.

- Too soon?


- F$%# the Earth Day (NSFW):


- Best Fight Scene of all time:

Thursday, April 23, 2009

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote: No Shirt Edition




Guys who run with their shirts off - Not content with everyone seeing them run, these dregs try and draw further attention by running without their shirt on. It's weird to see and extremely uncomfortable if you are standing next to them waiting for the light to change.

Guys who play frisbee on the quad with their shirt off - First of all you are throwing a frisbee. One would think you would only be doing this at night so no one would see you, however these people flaunt their activities openly. If you're going to play frisbee at least wear a shirt.

Singers/rockers who perform without a shirt - I go to my job with a shirt on, I expect the same from you.

Guys who take their shirts off at baseball games - Look, you aren't there to get a tan. Put a shirt on and drink your beer.

Guys who don't wear shirts for pick-up basketball games - It really isn't that hard to remember who is on your team and if you can't remember then maybe you shouldn't be playing basketball. It is also downright filthy having to guard a sweaty shirtless fat guy. That is a far worse fate than waterboarding.

*Acceptable times for men to be shirtless:
- by the beach/lake/pool
- playing bags in the rain wasted at 2:00 am

Songs I Am Digging

The National - Fake Empire


Kings of Leon - Fans


Nick Swardson - Dying (not a song but its hilarious)


Murray Head - One Night in Bangkok

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Undercover Hotties

Undercover Hotties will be a new segment in which the DPTOTI staff will bring to light the plight of undiscovered hotties everywhere. Think of it as UNICEF for hot chicks.

Julie Benz


Many of you might recognize Julie Benz as Rita on the Showtime TV show Dexter or as the voice of Miranda Keyes in Halo 2. In my opinion, Julie Benz is the Jenna Fischer of premium cable. Not only is she smoking like Jenna Fischer but she also ditched her loser husband when she got famous and is now on the prowl.

Annie Wersching


The pride of Millikin University, Annie now stars along side Jack Bauer on this season of 24. She might not hook you the first time around but she grows on you. Maybe its because she is Jack Bauer with tits or how there is no way she can fit into a standard bullet proof vest Annie just gets it done for me.

Amber Stevens


Amber Stevens stars as Ashley in the ABC Family show Greek. First things first, I love Greek. It's my guilty pleasure but I really don't think it's that guilty because the show is well written and pretty accurately depicts college life. But I digress, Amber Stevens has the unique ability to look both cute and hot while never looking skanky. This is an important trait because no one wants to take a skank to a black tie event nor do they want a skank raising their children.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

That's Politics Bitch




- In case any of you missed it here is a quick recap of the brouhaha that went down at the Miss USA pageant.

I love this line from Perez Hilton, "I would have appreciated it if she had kept her politics and religion out because Miss USA represents all Americans."

First of all Perez you asked her a question about gay marriage. She didn't pick it and she didn't have the chance to pass on it. Secondly, my somewhat skinny ass you wanted her to say that each state should decide the issue for themselves. You were baiting her into that answer and trying to create a controversy.

- This past weekend Barack Obama met with our Latin neighbors to the south. Most notably he talked with Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and spoke of renewed relations with Cuba. Yesterday President Obama met with the Chicago Comrades White Sox to discuss socialism baseball. Coincidence? I'll let you decide.

- During an interview with Sean Hannity, blowhard extraordinaire, Dick Cheney chastised Obama for leaking the classified CIA memos regarding torture while not also releasing the memos that detailed what information was gained from them. Assuming we did actually get intelligence that saved American lives I could see this getting ugly for Democrats and Obama.

- Big ups to New York Governor David Patterson. In the video below he is apparently mocking an organization that is fighting to keep hospitals and nursing homes open. You stay classy governor.

Paterson's LCA Response from Elizabeth Benjamin on Vimeo.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Musical talents and slips of the tongue

Since my brain is pretty much fried all week nowadays, I haven't come up with anything interesting to write about. In my state of recovery from the workweek, I often turn to music and the internet to help me relax. I would like to share some of these things that made me smile today.

This kid is a prodigy. Why didn't my parents push me to do something like this?


I'm sure most of you have seen this, but I really enjoyed watching... errr listening to this. It's like I'm sitting on the most glorious rainbow in the world.
Apparently they disabled the embedding code, so you'll have to follow the link:
Susan Boyle

For those who follow politics, I'm sure you were aware of the Tax Day "Tea Parties" that were organized to protest all of the government spending. I'm not sure if this was a Freudian slip or if he actually ment to say it like this, but nonetheless Anderson Cooper is not only very true but very funny.


Finally, we come to a coaching change in the world of college basketball. Isiah Thomas is best known for his days playing at Indiana University and for the Detroit Pistons. While his reputation of late has been tarnished by running the Knicks into the ground, he is trying to rebuild his image and start anew at Florida International University. He is even donating this year's salary to the school (though the Knicks are paying him much more to NOT be involved with them anymore). I would still expect this to be big news on FIU's campus, and the administration would be glad to welcome the added press and hopefully increase in ticket sales. And this is how they welcome him...

Friday, April 17, 2009

What the do gonna be...


I haven't posted anything in awhile. Because I know that all of your pathetic lives revolve around my posts, I've decided to grace the blog with my presence again (aside from the 'Quote of the Day').

Basically my life has revolved around studying for the CPA recently, so not much has happened. But here are a few thoughts/stories that have occupied much of my time outside of studying.

B.O. Man (that's him above)

I work at the Union Computer Lab every Tuesday from 10am-4pm, and then again from 6pm-8pm. The kid who replaces me and works from 4-6pm has without a doubt the worst B.O. I have ever smelled in my life. Coming from me, that's saying a lot. Not that I have horrible B.O., but my farts are pretty rank, so I have experience. Anyway, every time I come back to replace him at 6pm, I have to deal with this horrible smell for about 15 minutes (that's how long it takes for the smell to dissipate to a bearable amount after he's left). Seriously, I thought this guy was ripping ass before he left every time. I'm not sure if he eats farts or what, but I find myself literally gagging from the smell in the lab. I've almost thrown up from it. I have thought about changing shifts to avoid working by this kid.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Dull

Tom and I watched this the other day. What a fucking shitty ass movie. Here are my main problems with it (ignoring many of the other shitty parts).

(1) You cannot survive a Nuclear bomb explosion that lands pretty much right on top of you by getting in a lead refrigerator. And even if I were to believe that you could, if the 'frige is blown 1/2 a mile away and lands bouncing off the ground, you do not get out of it completely unscathed. Most likely every bone in your body would be broken.

(2) Its no wonder that Russia and Communism never won out. They have to be the worst shots in the world. I mean, they probably fired 10,000 bullets at "Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones" from 20 feet away and never hit him once.

(3) Fire ants or termites (or whatever the fuck the insects were in the jungle in the movie) aren't smart enough to climb each other's bodies in order to get up high enough to reach you in the air. Seriously retarded.

(4) Although Shia Labeouf is a total badass, he's not George of the fucking Jungle. He can't swing from tree branch to tree branch, and sure as shit can't do it fast enough to catch up to a car speeding car away from him. Also, can he speak to the monkeys of the jungle or something? Because they seemed to do his biddings pretty fast in the movie by attacking only the villains.

WCG Ultimate Gamer

This is a show that I've been tuning into recently on the Sci-Fi channel. I know, nothing good has come from Sci-Fi since Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but this show has some serious staying power. Aside from being a reality video game show (which is awesome!), the production quality of the show is outstanding. It's pretty much Top Chef, but about video games. Plus, they do a great job of including gamers with different backgrounds and specialties (i.e. FPS's, Fighting Games, Sports, Guitar Hero, etc). Each week the competitors face off in a new challenge involving a different game. They first compete in a challenge in the RL ('real-life' for you noobs out there) that attempts to simulate some aspect of that week's game. Then they get their game on with the competition of the actual video game itself.

Prediction: WCG Ultimate Gamer will be picked up by G4 within the next 2 years.

The show airs on Tuesdays at 10/9C. Set you DVR's and check it out.

Until next time,
-M-

Random Musings



Why do nice restaurants serve bread before dinner? Is this some way of reminding you that you get a "prisoners" dinner before even giving your drink order?

Is it just me or does anyone else spend an inordinate amount of time on the UPS tracking website after ordering something online? I know I have no control over the package yet I feel the need to constantly check on its status.

If humans didn't wear clothes would we be one of the uglier species on the planet? I mean you see overweight bears or squirrels and maybe it's their fur but compared to their peers they don't look that much different. Obese and overweight humans on the other hand....eww. Also consider how ugly older people are. A dog's hair may turn gray or he may walk with a limp but that's about it. Humans on the other hand turn bald, their skin wrinkles, and they get spider veins all over their bodies. Seriously, thank god for clothes.

As someone who loathes Brian Urlacher, I can not wait until he throws a temper tantrum over Jay Cutler becoming the face of the Bears. He may not explode in training camp or the pre-season but I guarantee he complains about the lack of reporters or autograph seekers before week 12.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Songs I Am Digging

Rooney - I Should've Been After You



Phoenix - Lisztomania



The National - Mr. November



Yeah Yeah Yeah's: Zero



Click the comments box and let me know your thoughts.

Random Musings: 1st Week of Baseball Edition




Pithy NL Musings

- The Beloved should cruise to 95+ wins. The lineup and starting pitching is deep with only the bullpen needing time to sort things out. And honestly how many teams have their bullpens set already?

- Chris Carpenter is back, as I predicted he would be, but the Cardinal's lineup is too easy to navigate after Pujols.

- The same can be said about the Brewer's lineup after Fielder and Braun. However their starting pitching is much worse and I don't see them winning more than 80 games.

- I think Florida stays in the NL East race until the Mets make a big trade. The Marlins just don't have the deep pockets to go get someone if one of their pitchers goes down.

- Philly just needs to keep treading water until all of thier guys get back. Put the question is, how long can Matt Stairs tread water?

Pithy AL Musings -

- I'm sorry but I have to ask this, are White Sox fans the worst fans in professional sports? The White Sox win the division, defeat their rivals in a thrilling one game playoff, and bring back the core team minus fan unfavorite Javier Vasquez and they draw 27,214 fans per game on their first homestand?

- The central is a race to 88 wins.

- Josh Becket is a tool. Throwing at Abreu may have been just what the doctored ordered for the Angels to regain their mental edge against the Red Sox.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Random Musings

- Is Kristen Wiig in every movie? Since 2007 she has been in Ghost Town, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Semi-pro, Pretty Bird, Knocked Up, The Brothers Solomon, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, and Adventureland. This year she will also star in Whip It!, All Good Things, and the following movie Extract.


Besides being on SNL she also managed to make guest appearances on 30 Rock and Flight of the Conchords. Oh, and she is also currently doing voice work for an animated feature called Despicable Me.

- Did Ryan Reynolds make the single biggest upgrade ever by going from Alanis Morrissette to Scarlet Johansson? Scarjo is so hot, right now, that even Alanis couldn't rip her through song.

- Why did it take so long for Windows commercials to show the price difference with Apple? Were the marketing whiz kids (yes I know an oxymoron) over at Windows just sitting on this while they continued to lose market share?

- During halftime of the NIT championship game I caught the ER tribute episode. If NBC is still looking for why the ratings went down over the years I think I have the answer. You went from George Clooney to John Stamos. John freaking Stamos.

- Check out this cool interactive map charting the spread of Wal-Mart. I also feel like this was the same strategy used by the Confederacy in the Civil War.

- Speaking of the bars and stars, how come "The Confederacy" is still available for use. Recently formed Eastern European, Middle Eastern, and African countries have really dropped the ball. All I know is that if I was founding a nation today it would definitely be called the Confederacy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

4 Thumbs Up, 4 Thumbs Down: Chick Flick Edition




4 Thumbs Up to What Women Want: Has Mel Gibson ever made a bad movie? How he pulled off a movie where he plays a male chauvinist who is able to hear woman's thoughts after electrocuting himself in a bathtub full of feminine products is unreal. And he gave that performance after mutilating redcoats with a hatchet in The Patriot. Anyways, this movie is on TNT once every month and I always seem to catch it. For as much as I hate Ted Turner we seem to have the same movie tastes.

4 Thumbs Down to Bounce: I was dragged to this movie in the hopes that a friend would get some action. He didn't get any because his girlfriend was super prude and I was instead treated to an abortion of my eyes. What makes this movies failing all that more impressive is that it stars Gweneth "I'm richer than you" Paltrow and Ben Affleck.

4 Thumbs Up to Miss Congeniality: Not only is Sandra Bullock a good actress but she is also a stone cold fox. William Shatner and Candice Bergen are great in their roles and Michael Cain is hilarious as the gay pageant expert trying to redeem his career. This is another movie that pops up on TBS all the time and I always seem to catch it.

4 Thumbs Down to The Notebook: Poor boy meets rich girl, they have fling, but her status won't allow her to date them, he goes away, he comes back and wins her. Normally I wouldn't give a movie like this attention however the final scene is simply ridiculous and the fact teasing us with Rachel McAdams semi naked and not actually showing anything is a misdemeanor at the very least.

4 Thumbs Up to Definitely, Maybe: This movie was surprisingly good and also makes for a great date movie. I'm not going to give away the ending but it isn't sappy. Ryan Reynolds is funny and the harem of women he slays in the movie are all attractive.

4 Thumbs Down to any Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaughey movie: How does McConaughey go from giving a tour de force performance in A Time To Kill to making How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Fool's Gold? The same goes for Hudson who killed in Almost Famous and then pops out some of the worst chick flicks ever made.

4 Thumbs Up to When Harry Met Sally: Besides Die Hard, this is the ultimate date movie. It's witty, has a good plot, and doesn't have the typical dull 20 minutes of sappy girl bonding that ruins most chick flicks. Billy Crystal is funny and Meg Ryan is at the peak of her hotness. All and all a must watch.

Mike's 2009 MLB Predictions

NL

Cubs
Cardinals
Brewers
Astros
Reds

Dodgers
Giants
Diamondbacks

Phillies
Braves
Mets
Marlins


AL

Twins
Indians
Sox
Royals

Rays
Yankess
Red Sox
Blue Jays

Angels
A's
Rangers

AAA

Mariners
Tigers
Orioles
Nationals
Pirates
Padres

AL MVP: Longoria
NL MVP: Soto
Cy: Halladay
Cy: Lincecum

---New stat: ARBI
Assisted RBI, for example Soto would have picked up an ARBI when he moved Fontenot from 2nd to 3rd. Fontenot scored on Theriot's Sac Fly. Also a runner steals second and the batter then drives him home on a single, boom, ARBI. Separates meaningless Rickey Henderson stolen bases to meaningful team oriented swipes. Put this and Team wins in my boxscore and I'll be happy.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Tim's 2009 MLB Predictions

AL East


NL East


W L

W L
New York Yankees 94 68
New York Mets 94 68
Tampa Bay Rays 91 71
Philadelphia Phillies 92 70
Boston Red Sox 89 73
Florida Marlins 83 79
Toronto Blue Jays 74 88
Atlanta Braves 82 80
Baltimore Orioles 67 95
Washington Nationals 71 91







AL Central


NL Central


W L

W L
Chicago White Sox 88 74
Chicago Cubs 92 70
Cleveland Indians 87 75
St. Louis Cardinals 87 75
Minnesota Twins 83 79
Milwaukee Brewers 86 76
Kansas City Royals 78 84
Houston Astros 81 81
Detroit Tigers 76 86
Cincinnati Reds 74 88




Pittsburgh Pirates 62 100







AL West


NL West


W L

W L
LA Angels 86 76
LA Dodgers 96 66
Texas Rangers 76 86
Arizona Diamondbacks 87 75
Oakland A's 74 88
Colorado Rockies 79 83
Seattle Mariners 73 89
San Fransisco Giants 67 95




San Diego Padres 61 101


Yankees over Angels; Rays over White Sox
Rays over Yankees

Dodgers over Phillies; Mets over Cubs
Mets over Dodgers

Mets over Rays

AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera
AL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
AL Rookie of the Year: Matt Wieters
AL Comeback Player: Paul Konerko

NL MVP: David Wright
NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum
NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin
NL Comeback Player: Chris Carpenter

Tom's 2009 MLB Predictions

NL West
1. LA Dodgers (91 - 71)
2. Arizona Diamondbacks (89 - 73)
3. San Fransisco Giants (79 - 83)
4. Colorado Rockies (70 - 92)
5. San Diego Padres (60 - 102)

I look for the Dodgers to get off to a slow start as they figure out their rotation and bullpen. The Diamondbacks may be leading the division at the break but they aren't deep enough to win the division. Also look for the Giants to hover around .500

NL Central
1. The Beloved (96 - 66)
2. St. Louis Cardinals (88 - 74)
3. Milwaukee Brewers (86 - 76)
4. Cincinnati Reds (81 - 81)
5. Houston Astros (80 - 82)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (62 - 100)

The Beloved will be a better team this year but it won't be reflected in the standings as the Central is much deeper this year. Look for Dusty to actually trust his rookies and young guys after failing to do so in his previous 14 seasons as a manager.

NL East
1. New York Mets (95 - 67)
2. Philadelphia Phillies (90 - 72)*
3. Florida Marlins (82 - 80)
4. Atlanta Braves (78 - 84)
5. Washington Nationals (66 - 96)

The Mets actually close some games out and pull away with the division. Philly will be hampered by injuries and a lack of pitching depth. Watch out for the Marlins.

NL MVP - Alfonso Soriano
NL Cy Young - Ricky Nolasco

AL West
1. Anaheim Angels (88 - 74)
2. Texas Rangers (86 - 76)
3. Oakland A's (79 - 83)
4. Seattle Mariners (66 - 96)

The worst division in baseball sees the Angles coming out on top, but just barely. If only the Rangers has some pitching.

AL Central
1. Chicago White Sox (90 - 72)
2. Kansas City Royals (88 - 74)
3. Cleveland Indiana (87 - 75)
4. Minnesota Twins (75 - 87)
5. Detroit Tigers (72 - 90)

Logic would dictate that having a rotation with Contreras and Colon and a lineup with Wise and Getz would not lead to a division crown. But for whatever reason I see the White Sox winning the bailout, I mean central division.

AL East
1. New York Yankees (91 - 71)
2. Boston Red Sox (90 - 72)*
3. Tampa Bay Rays (89 - 73)
4. Baltimore Orioles (73 - 89)
5. Toronto Blue Jays (66 - 96)

This division will be brutal and I just don't see any team having a dominant record. The Red Sox will struggle offensively as many of their players had career years last year. Look for the Orioles next year, for some reason I like what they are doing.

AL MVP - Mark Texiera
AL Cy Young - Jon Lester


Division Series -

The Beloved over Philles, Mets over Dodgers, Yankees over Angels, Red Sox over White Sox

Championship Series -

The Beloved over Mets, Red Sox over Yankees

World Series -

Red Sox over The Beloved

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote: Airport Edition



P'eeved woman sitting next to Greg - Most people know that if you are sitting in row 25 of a full plane it will most likely take longer than 5 minutes for the people in front of you to get off the plane. This knowledge was apparently lost on the woman sitting next to Greg as she proceeded to drop F bombs and other snarky comments. She did this while being surrounded by children. Call me conservative all you want but swearing in front of little children is not cool.

People who rip on Katy Perry - What is not to like? Unique voice, check. Pretty face, check. Large, glorious, natural breasts, check check and check. Off topic but what would the over/under be for the number of times Hot n Cold will be used in movie trailers? 558?

Drunk Greg - About 7 ounces of rum/tequila and one beer made Greg do the following: profess his love for Aaron Rowand 14 times, become a die hard San Fransisco Giants fan, lead Giants cheers, use the word highlight 312 times in one hour, and do things so vile at the Candy Shoppe they can't even be written here.

Man watching Bridges of Madison County on his Mac - While I had hoped that the emasculation of men hadn't reached people my dad's age, I was sadly proven wrong on my flight home. Sadly I witnessed a balding man in his mid 50's wearing those trendy thicker framed glasses rip out his 17 inch screen Mac and proceed to watch Bridges of Madison County. Is no man safe from our society's path to compete and total emasculation?

Guy wearing a Roger Clemens WBC jersey - First of all what you wear to the airport is probably only behind what you wear to a funeral or interview in terms of importance. You are going to be seen by thousands of people and chances are you may run into someone you know. So this guy decided that a Clemens WBC jersey is what he wanted people to see him wearing? The only possible excuse was that he was changing flights from Vegas and that jersey was all he had to wear.