Random Thoughts

If you live in Chicago or its suburbs, how do you not know how public transportation works? The Metra is different from the El. The Metra has scheduled trains; the El runs constantly. No one is too good-looking/rich/spoiled to not know this.

Larry Hughes, shut your mouth. Maybe if you stop jacking shots, you will play more.

Billy Madison *
Tommy Boy *

Comcast, are you serious?

Just once I would like an NFL front office, or any professional team for that matter, blame themselves for the roster they put together and not the coach. Was it Eric Mangini’s fault that Brett Favre is a gunslinger and threw about 10 interceptions in the last 3 weeks of the season? Was it Rod Marinelli’s fault that Dan Orlovsky was his starting quarterback?

As the Big Ten schedule starts today for Illinois, I thought I would put together an All-Douche Team dating back a few years.

G Tom Coverdale, Indiana (Team Captain)
G Jeff Horner, Iowa
G Eric Gordon, Indiana
F Rick Rickert, Minnesota
C Paul Davis, Michigan State

G Pierre Pierce, Iowa/Jail
G Luke Recker, Iowa
F A.J. Moye, Indiana
F D.J. White, Indiana
C Marco Killingsworth, Indiana

The Return of Person of the Weak

Back from the dead, Person of the Weak returns!

For those unfamiliar with PoW, it is a poll where you the readers vote which athlete, celebrity, douche-bag, redneck, hillbilly, or glitterati is most deserving of the title "Person of the Weak"

From now on the poll will come out every Monday and conclude Sunday night.

This weeks contestants are:

DJ AM - Besides being famous for taking other peoples music and mixing it, his parents must be proud, he is now suing the estates of the two pilots who perished in the airplane crash he was involved with a few months ago. Stay classy DJ AM.

Brett Favre - You suck and you are old. But worst of all he recently said he didn't know if he was going to return and he would have to wait and see how his shoulder feels. In any other profession he would be fired and lone gone by now. In other news ESPN just filled an hour a day in their schedule.

Coaches in the USA Today/ESPN Poll - Should we have beaten Missouri by more than 16?

Tom Crean - Losing to Lipscomb at home was a belated Christmas present. Over/under for IU Big Ten wins .5, discuss amongst yourselves.

Be Cool at Christmas

Since most of you will be hanging out with family over the next few days I decided to provide some good conversation starters. Because you can only talk about Obama turning our country into a socialist state for so long.

Hi, I'm here for the orgy

Yehhh! an XBOX....ohhh nooooo....

Where do you go when the local bakery won't make your racist cake? Wal-mart of course.




(Click picture for bigger image of Santa's Gmail account)

Drink Much?

I just took an online test to see whether or not I'm an alcoholic and got a solid grade of A (96%). Here was the site's response:

"It is likely that your current drinking patterns are hazardous or harmful to your health and well being. Your responses to the AUDIT (Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test) are in a range believed to be consistent with problems related to drinking."

"Many people are not aware of how their alcohol consumption compares to that of the general public. More than 96% of the general adult American population and 93% of men consume fewer drinks per week than you reported consuming."

-

Try to see if you can score better than I. Good luck! :)

http://www.alcoholscreening.org/

BRUTUS MAXIMUS

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?

For the record - Brutus Maximus just secured the verbal committment of 2011 PG Tracy Abrams. Abrams is a consensus top 3 player in the loaded Illinois class of 2011.

What this means - Abrams is tight with other Chicago area ballers/cagers, Mike Shaw, Sam Thompson, and Wayne Blackshear. Blackshear and Shaw have specifically mentioned wanting to play with Abrams in college. His committment also puts pressue on other players like Chasson Randle and Bradley Beal to pull the trigger before scholarships run out.

Prediction - Abrams is the headliner of a 5 man class that ranks in the top 3 nationally and gives Weber back to back top 5 classes and three straight top 10 classes.

Cool random tidbit - If the 2011 class contains all Illinois kids, their freshman class will contain 12 kids from the state of Illinois and Tyler Griffey from St Louis. Pretty badass.

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

Indiana Fans* - Where do I start...how about defending the hiring of a known cheater? How about the defending of said cheater even after he cheats again? How about cheering for him and chanting his name even after he has cheated for a second time because he wins? How about ripping and bad mouthing a rival coach who calls out said cheating coach for....wait for it....cheating! While those were all good, this gem on their message board pretty much says it all

"They were 22-4 while they were using under Sampson and 3-4 while they were using under Dakich."

So let me get this straight, it is better to win rather than cracking down on drug use and losing?

Mormons - All religions can sound weird or stupid; all the animals of the world on one ark, not allowing women to drive cars, and a carpenter who can walk on water. However I feel that Mormons take the cake. Do you know that Mexcian Mormons are allowed to have multiple wives? The only reason the US Mormon church outlawed polygamy is because the US government did.

NFL Fans - Now I'm not talking about the casual Bears or Packer fan who watches the games or even attends a few from time to time. I'm talking about the adult fan who wears costumes, face paint, or owns more than three articles of NFL merchandise. To be obsessed with a team that you have no connection to demonstrates low mental capacity and that you are susceptible to group think, which of course leads to mob rule.

People who wear Uggs (with apologies to friends who own them or are buying them for significant others) - I had always thought that Uggs were ugly and never understood why you would wear a boot/shoe that 50% of the population wore. But then again I never understood female fashion so I just shrugged it off, that is until I found out that a legit pair is $130+. Why on Earth would you pay that much money for a boot that is neither unique nor practical?

People who subscribe to the New York Times who don't live in New York - Nevermind that it says "New York" at the top but if you are so obsessed with a city full of d-bags and a-holes than you don't deserve to vote.

*Editors Note - We, the neighbors of Indiana, have for far too long ignored their inbreeding and meth addiction and may share some of the blame for their current situation. So next time you see an Indiana fan hitting on his cousin step in and say something.

Which One is Tom?

I've thought for awhile now that in 40 years Tom will look like either the Giants head coach, Tom Coughlin, or the Illinois Athletic Director, Ron Gunther.  You decide.

-M-

Who do you think he is... Reece Davis?

Kenny Mayne is pretty awesome. The end is the best... the return of a classic.

Sam Bradford for Heisman

2. McCoy
3. Tebow
4. Harrell

FOR HE IS BLAGOJEVICH...

... LORD OF THE IDIOTS!

I can't believe he's just going about his business like nothing happened.

Honestly, how much cursing can you fit into your phone conversations?

What a douche!

Miami of Ohio Job Listing - Head Coach

My good friend James was stumbling around his school's website and found this -

He then clicked on the link for HEAD FOOTBALL COACH and got this -

I am legitimately considering sending in my resume. I mean come on, how hard can coaching a Division 1 football team really be?

Random Musings

Maybe its just me but I feel like your flight number pretty much determines whether or not your plane has a chance of crashing. For instance, we flew to Vegas on flight #2345. I just can't see Katie Couric interrupting Two and a Half Men to say that flight #2345 crashed.

I really hate anyone involved with get out the vote. Getting past the fact that they are a bunch of liberal college kids getting other lazy college kids to vote, do we really want the kind of people voting who do so because someone else made them?

For the record Haney uses "Radiant Brunette Shampoo" and "Radiant Brunette Conditioner." I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

When USA runs American Pie 2 at 1:00 am do they really have to bleep out the swears? I can understand nudity but bleeping out "balls" is a little extreme.

Looking back at old TV shows and movies makes me think that cell phones are ruining hundreds if not thousands of scripts. You can no longer have scenes where George goes to the wrong theatre because now he would just send a text and the problem would be solved in seconds. However this doesn't seem to affect horror movies because they just set the location in a desert but you have to think even deserts won't be safe in a couple of years.

We need more piano rock. That is all.

Is it just me or is it amazing how quickly the Chicago "Bean" has become sinominous with Chicago.  Anytime you see a Bears or Bulls game and they do a video montage of the city it's the  Sears Tower, Wrigley, the L, and the Bean.

Injury Report

Why bringing fruit into the bedroom doesn't always spice things up.

I want to believe this story, just like I want to believe that D-Rose will lead the Bulls to the promised land. I'm glad to hear he is at home and in bed at night, instead of going out and shooting himself in the leg at a nightclub, or wrecking his motorcycle and ruining his career. If it is true, then he is apparently just a moron. Eating so much candy you make yourself sick in the Final 4? Leaving an apparently rediculously sharp knife in your bed and then forgetting it was there? I realize the kid is only 19 or 20, and for the most part he's played his role with some maturity and class, but if he's going to set the record for ankles broken in a career, he's got to learn how to take care of himself.

SNL Digital Short

I don't know how to post videos on this blog, so here is the link from last night's Saturday Night Live Digital Short:

I Got Banned

I have officially been banned from all Intramurals at U of I for this semester and next. You may say, "Did you get in a fight Mark?"  No, I did not get in a fight. Just read the email conversation I had with the douche assistant director, Terry, of intramurals that got me banned.

"Captains,

Unfortunately, today and tomorrow soccer games will have to be postponed, due to the weather. If the weather breaks, we will try to play games later this week and/or starting on Sunday. The game times will stay the same, but the days will change depending on the weather, so please be prepared to play. If this weather continues, we will host the playoffs during the spring semester. If a team loses a player to graduation, we will allow a team to add two players to a roster. We will also, provide championship t-shirts to the winning teams whose members have graduated during the Fall Semester. We will keep all teams posted on any changes that are made. Thank you ahead of time for your understanding.   

Terry Elmore"

"I am on Chubby Bunnies FC. I am wondering why we can't just move the games indoor to CIRCE? 

Mark Haney"

"No! 

Terry Elmore"

"Umm, a more mature response would be appreciated in the future. But if you want to act like a 5 year old, that's fine too. I guess I'm not surprised at the total incompetence of the intramural program now with children like you running it. Luckily I won't have to deal with it much longer as I'm graduating. Good luck running it into the ground. 

Mark"

"Well, Mark I am sorry that you feel that way. I can tell you that when we do resume play, you will not be eligible to participate. 

Terry Elmore"

"I expected as much when I wrote my first email.

Love,

Mark"

"Mark,

What you do not understand is that there are other programs that go on at CRCE. Trust me; you have no idea how much I would like for the soccer playoffs to go forward and to be finished. We do not control the weather and we are trying to be as accommodating as we can. What I will not tolerate from anyone is disrespect. Your ban from intramurals will be for the remainder of this semester as well as the spring semester. If you would like to appeal this ban, I am more than willing to have a meeting with you. Until that time, good luck in the future and again – I am sorry you feel the way that you do. 

Terry Elmore"

"I have no intention of playing in the future. Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of giving your terribly run program any more money.

Respect,

Mark"

"Good Luck! 

Terry Elmore"

TERRY = DOUCHE!

Scotty Doesn't Know

It's all about the Washingtons

Their 401k's must be doing better than mine. I wonder if the company will match their contributions if this goes through...

Because Charlie Don't Surf

The Legend grows...

Good stuff...although is rick rolling officially getting old?

Paging Jesse Jackson

Snoop in the house