Being back at home, I’ve been watching a decent amount of TV again. And yes, my family still doesn’t have cable. As a result, I’ve been watching some “awesome” new summer shows with my Mom. I thought I’d give a quick recap about some of them for you. Don’t judge me based on these shows.
Help I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
A bunch of washed up C-level or below celebrities are taken into the jungle of Costa Rica and forced to “rough it out” there. I use quote here because they have hammocks, sweet sleeping bags, and pop-up beds to sleep on. We should all be so lucky when we camp for recreational purposes. The audience is able to vote on what certain tasks that the celebrities will have to perform to avoid going home. Basically, it’s like camping. Really, the dumbass conversations are the most entertaining part of the show. Here’s a quick rundown of the some of the characters and convos had:
Mrs. Patti Blagojevich– She slips and floats down a river for a little while at the beginning of the episode. Her only other contribution is a bitch-fest rant about how “they made a big hoopla out of something that wasn’t even true” and how her husband (Rod Blagojevich) has been treated unfairly and impeached on totally made up and unsubstantiated claims, from which he was unable to defend himself. Of course, her derelict co-stars completely support her and hang on her every word. Her stupidity is only topped by Spencer Pratt’s (douche from The Hills) profound and consoling words of “the truth always wins, that’s the most powerful thing in the world”. This brings me to…
The Hills Douche Bags – Spencer and Heidi Pratt have to be 2 of the most annoying people alive. They ask to go home from the show literally within hours of arriving in Costa Rica, but end up staying. I’m sure it’s all just a ploy for more attention and pity from the group. Spencer gets upset because Torrie Wilson (ex-professional WCW female wrestler) makes fun of all the hair product shit that Heidi brought. He flips shit, yelling at everyone and then proceeds to hide Torrie’s backpack in the jungle and make her look for it. Seriously, this guy’s a 5 year old. One last thing about him, he tells Stephen Baldwin that he’s a black belt in martial arts and isn’t afraid of anyone, which isn’t impressing anyone. I’ll make my comment on Heidi quick. She says, “That being in the jungle living like they are is like torture”, followed up by, “we should do this to al-Qaida”. I’m pretty sure that al-Qaida would be absolutely relieved to live like these celebrities are, as opposed to hiding and running for their lives in the hot-ass desert all the time.
John Salley – What happened to you man? What are you doing on this show? You were a professional basketball player. Seriously, get it together.
Stephen Baldwin – I heard you were on the apprentice and now on this show. Can you say a revitalization of this guy’s career? I haven’t seen him since that sky diving robbery film (Cutaway), or his other smash hit Bio-Dome. Both excellent films by the way. You seem somewhat normal, for a celebrity, so I won’t say anything bad about you.
The rest of the people are a bunch of nobodies but here they are anyway: Janice Dickinson, Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya Malakar, Torrie Wilson, Frangela (2 fat unfunny women comedians that combined their names and no one has ever heard of).
The Bachelorette 5
Nothing really to say about this show except that Jillian Harris (the bachelorette) is pretty good looking. By good looking, I mean hot, but not celebrity hot. Also, this total meathead-psycho, David, freaked out about how this one guy, Juan, was fake and not friends with all of the other guys in the house. The whole issue started because Juan faked taking a shot with everyone else and pretended to choke on the bad taste. While this is a total bitch-face move on his part and I do agree with David, I certainly wouldn’t freak out over it and wouldn’t want to come across as just another brain moron on a reality show that gets pissed off because others aren’t “real” enough on the show. Other than that, the show’s just a couple of Turd Fergusons trying to play the guitar and become famous through the show. LAME!
The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Conan is back and hasn’t lost a step! While Tom thinks that Conan will not last 1 year in his new time slot (10:30-11:30pm on NBC), I disagree. After seeing last night’s show, Conan was on his game and is here to stay. It was classic Conan humor at its best and it killed. In addition to having an awesome first guest and band, Will Farrell and Pearl Jam, Conan kept the zany humor and inanimate guest characters going, like “the letter D” from the Hollywood sign. Also, I was pleasantly surprise to see “the string dance”, for you Conan followers out there. My hope is that he is not pressured to deviate from his wacky humor that brought him success on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Finally, the addition of Conan’s sidekick, Andy Richter, was a great idea. He already poops on David Letterman’s side-tumor, Paul Shaffer. Conan and Andy, being longtime friends and working together on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, pick up right where they left off and seem to play well off of each other. Tonight’s guests are Tom Hanks and Green Day. Be sure to check out the next big thing on late night TV.
Help I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
A bunch of washed up C-level or below celebrities are taken into the jungle of Costa Rica and forced to “rough it out” there. I use quote here because they have hammocks, sweet sleeping bags, and pop-up beds to sleep on. We should all be so lucky when we camp for recreational purposes. The audience is able to vote on what certain tasks that the celebrities will have to perform to avoid going home. Basically, it’s like camping. Really, the dumbass conversations are the most entertaining part of the show. Here’s a quick rundown of the some of the characters and convos had:
Mrs. Patti Blagojevich– She slips and floats down a river for a little while at the beginning of the episode. Her only other contribution is a bitch-fest rant about how “they made a big hoopla out of something that wasn’t even true” and how her husband (Rod Blagojevich) has been treated unfairly and impeached on totally made up and unsubstantiated claims, from which he was unable to defend himself. Of course, her derelict co-stars completely support her and hang on her every word. Her stupidity is only topped by Spencer Pratt’s (douche from The Hills) profound and consoling words of “the truth always wins, that’s the most powerful thing in the world”. This brings me to…
The Hills Douche Bags – Spencer and Heidi Pratt have to be 2 of the most annoying people alive. They ask to go home from the show literally within hours of arriving in Costa Rica, but end up staying. I’m sure it’s all just a ploy for more attention and pity from the group. Spencer gets upset because Torrie Wilson (ex-professional WCW female wrestler) makes fun of all the hair product shit that Heidi brought. He flips shit, yelling at everyone and then proceeds to hide Torrie’s backpack in the jungle and make her look for it. Seriously, this guy’s a 5 year old. One last thing about him, he tells Stephen Baldwin that he’s a black belt in martial arts and isn’t afraid of anyone, which isn’t impressing anyone. I’ll make my comment on Heidi quick. She says, “That being in the jungle living like they are is like torture”, followed up by, “we should do this to al-Qaida”. I’m pretty sure that al-Qaida would be absolutely relieved to live like these celebrities are, as opposed to hiding and running for their lives in the hot-ass desert all the time.
John Salley – What happened to you man? What are you doing on this show? You were a professional basketball player. Seriously, get it together.
Stephen Baldwin – I heard you were on the apprentice and now on this show. Can you say a revitalization of this guy’s career? I haven’t seen him since that sky diving robbery film (Cutaway), or his other smash hit Bio-Dome. Both excellent films by the way. You seem somewhat normal, for a celebrity, so I won’t say anything bad about you.
The rest of the people are a bunch of nobodies but here they are anyway: Janice Dickinson, Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya Malakar, Torrie Wilson, Frangela (2 fat unfunny women comedians that combined their names and no one has ever heard of).
The Bachelorette 5
Nothing really to say about this show except that Jillian Harris (the bachelorette) is pretty good looking. By good looking, I mean hot, but not celebrity hot. Also, this total meathead-psycho, David, freaked out about how this one guy, Juan, was fake and not friends with all of the other guys in the house. The whole issue started because Juan faked taking a shot with everyone else and pretended to choke on the bad taste. While this is a total bitch-face move on his part and I do agree with David, I certainly wouldn’t freak out over it and wouldn’t want to come across as just another brain moron on a reality show that gets pissed off because others aren’t “real” enough on the show. Other than that, the show’s just a couple of Turd Fergusons trying to play the guitar and become famous through the show. LAME!
The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Conan is back and hasn’t lost a step! While Tom thinks that Conan will not last 1 year in his new time slot (10:30-11:30pm on NBC), I disagree. After seeing last night’s show, Conan was on his game and is here to stay. It was classic Conan humor at its best and it killed. In addition to having an awesome first guest and band, Will Farrell and Pearl Jam, Conan kept the zany humor and inanimate guest characters going, like “the letter D” from the Hollywood sign. Also, I was pleasantly surprise to see “the string dance”, for you Conan followers out there. My hope is that he is not pressured to deviate from his wacky humor that brought him success on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Finally, the addition of Conan’s sidekick, Andy Richter, was a great idea. He already poops on David Letterman’s side-tumor, Paul Shaffer. Conan and Andy, being longtime friends and working together on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, pick up right where they left off and seem to play well off of each other. Tonight’s guests are Tom Hanks and Green Day. Be sure to check out the next big thing on late night TV.
Until Next Time,
-M-
3 comments:
What happens if Mrs. Blago is actually telling the truth and why are you....Ummmmmmmmmmmm I assume a college graduate watching Tv with your mom? Maybe Tom can assist you in getting a game.
Mark, you don't have cable so I suppose I can excuse this omission, but summer TV watchers should also be very aware of Daisy of Love. For those of you not entirely familiar with the VH1 reality TV universe, Daisy is the lovable, tattoo-laden, fake-titted runner up from Rock of Love Season 2. As usual, Daisy is pretty boring and not really worth the trouble, but the contestants are pure gold; indeed 12-pack from I Love New York Season 2 is one of the front-runners right now. The best part of the show, however, is that contestants are eliminating themselves left and right. I think so far 2 people have been eliminated by Daisy and 5 have left voluntarily. And she freaks out every time. It's awesome.
To Anonymous - I'm at home until I start work in August b/c unlike most people, I'm not going to spend outside my means. And when did it become sad to watch TV with one or both of your parents on a Monday night? I guess I just matured past the teenager stage, where one worries about what is cool and what is not cool.
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