Who secretly takes away gchat and fantasy sports at work? I know it’s a recession, but c’mon.
Two stars for Dumb and Dumber? Are you serious, Comcast?
A TV show is not good if you have to be in a certain mood to enjoy it. A “mood show” overcomes this title if, just by watching, your mood changes into the one it’s supposed to be in. An example of this is not “Fringe,” starring Joshua Jackson.
Just because two people of the opposite sex get along does not mean they are going to “make babies together.” Unless the two people are 28-35 years old and their biological clocks are operating at full blast. Or if they sleep together, accidentally get pregnant and they are both against abortion. Then, it might happen.
The Pantheon of Faces needs another added: The face you make in the morning when you read text messages you sent/received while intoxicated the previous night. Classic face.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Overrated (clap) (clap) (clap clap clap)
Here is a list of teams that I feel are overrated based on the AP or Coaches polls and general media attention.
1. Louisville, AP #7: Let's see, losses to Western Kentucky, UNLV, and Minnesota. Wins over Pitt, ND, and Syracuse. That right there is good enough for a top 25 ranking but they should be nowhere near the top 10. Louisville lacks a true point guard and is extremely streaky shooting from distance. A recipe for disaster come March.
2. Marquette, AP #8: Marquette has the best if not one of the back backcourts in college today. However they also have one of the worst frontcourts of any big six conference team. Lazar Haywood is a 6'5" small forward playing the power forward position and I honestly don't know who their center is. Look for them to cruise through what has to be the 16th easiest conference schedule in the Big East. However, they have the chance to prove me wrong with their last four regular season games against Cuse, Louisville, UConn, and Pitt.
3. Gonzaga, AP #20: Besides having a starting center on shrooms, Gonzaga is still a media darling without ever winning anything of importance. This year is no exception as Gonzaga is currently ranked #20 without any wins over ranked teams while also losing to Portland St., Utah, and Arizona. Normally beating Arizona is an accomplishment however this year is quite the exception. Also Gonzaga and their "play anyone, anywhere" mentality has gotten them an RPI of 51.
4. Notre Dame, Coaches Poll #22: Notre Dame has seven losses. Their RPI is 73, more than half their team is white...what are they doing in the top 25?
5. UCLA, AP #17: I guess their best non-conference win was Miami Ohio. Not to take anything away from the Fighting Charlie Coles but if that's your best non-conference win you have issues. UCLA other signature win...Washington St. by 2. That weak non-conference schedule will only continue to hurt them as the Pac-10 looks worse every game.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Because Charlie Don't Surf Basketball Ed.
What a terrible call by the ref.
Mr. Nash, would you like some fries with that nut sandwich?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
On the Road to Defeated
#20 Minnesota Golden Gophers vs Indiana Rednecks
This may be one of Indiana's best chances at a win seeing as how Minnesota just got pummeled at home by Purdue and now must travel to Bloomington.
However, "It's Indiana" so they will lose by 22.
Odds of going defeated - 41.78%
However, "It's Indiana" so they will lose by 22.
Odds of going defeated - 41.78%
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Random Musings
Yellowbook is laying down the gauntlet of good looking women in their ads right now. Our future is bright if these are what all the women of the future look like.
Is it a little weird that I feel a pep in my step when in Illinois is ranked in basketball?
When writing a new status update in facebook it continues to ask for word verification. I understand asking the first time but why continue to ask me time after time? Haven't I proven myself human the first time?
How ironic is it that Janeane Garofalo, annoying liberal actress and failed Air America radio host, is now having to take work on 24? A show that is considered a bastion of conservative views and principles and is often criticized by liberals for romancing torture.
Is it just me or would it have been awesome to have been a passenger on the US Airways flight that landed in the Hudson river? You get all the craziness of a plane crash without actually dying. Six Flags or Universal needs to look into a ride like this.
Is there anything more embarrassing than watching an infomercial for so long that it starts to loop?
Scotty Doesn't Know
Perhaps Andre Miller (or anyone guarding Derrick Rose for that matter) should invest...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Random Inauguration Musings
Here is a list of notes I wrote down while the Messiah was being inaugurated -
- Bush twins....hello. Malia and Sasha have a lot to live up to.
- Good to know Franklin Raines, the man who was in charge of Fannie Mae and probably the single most responsible person for our current economic problems, was sitting front and center at the inauguration. Oh and he will be one of Obama's top economic advisors.
- Aretha Franklin is a freaking blimp.
- Also Aretha, please don't do your own version of national songs. This also goes to other "artists" who feel the need to add a little extra to the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful. Listen this isn't your concert, we aren't paying to see you, just sing the song and then sit down.
- Dick Durbin was wearing sunglasses, very weak.
- I think the reason Obama stumbled on the Oath is that he naturally thinks in Arabic and then has to translate to English. Tough to do when there are 2 million people watching.
- In his speech Obama acknowledged Christians, Muslims, Hindu's, and atheists but conveniently left out Scientologists...he has just lost the next election.
- I don't care if she is the poet laureate or whatever, Elizabeth Alexander is awful. I got a better poem.
This poem,
it is terrible.
it is terrible.
- I would give Obama's speech a solid B. Some good lines but there weren't any "Nothing to fear but fear itself" or "Ask not what your country can do for you..."
- I liked the shake/five that Bush gave Obama just before he got onto Marine One. It's as if Bush was letting him know, "you have no idea."
- I liked the shake/five that Bush gave Obama just before he got onto Marine One. It's as if Bush was letting him know, "you have no idea."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
High School Memory
The other weekend I was at a ‘going-away party’ for one of my friends from high school who's going to South America for the Peace Corps for 2 years. As with these sorts of shindigs, I ran into a bunch of my old friends and acquaintances from those storied years in LZ. During one of these conversations a funny now (but horrible at the time) story came up that I thought I'd share with you. For reasons of anonymity (that you will see later), I will not reveal the names of my friends.
This story takes place during early June of 2002 in the parking lot of my high school. I was a young naïve sophomore and it was the 2nd day of finals week. I was excited because I had just finished up my last final for the day and had only one last final the next day to study for. As I waited for my dad to pick me up from school, a couple of my friends approached me and asked me if I was hungry because they had some brownies they weren't going to eat.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that these two kids were, as the phrase goes, HUGE STONERS.
Falling victim to my unquenchable thirst for sweets I undoubtedly said yes, as only an insane person would turn down free food. We made our way to the trunk of one of their cars, because that’s where the food was located (which in retrospect was very peculiar). When they opened the trunk, before me lay a white paper plate containing 2 brownies wrapped in plastic. I asked them is there any Weed in these brownies, to which they replied “No”. Unconvinced, I made them swear to God, to which they, again, obliged.
Apparently, when I was a sophomore, these were the only 2 criteria that had to be met before I ate something questionable because I proceeded to inhale not one, but both brownies, without the slightest worry of them being loaded with Mary Jane. After all, who would think that their friends would feed them ganja (at school) and then lie to them about it, as a joke? I don’t go around crushing up little pills of X in peoples drinks and telling them that the drink is fine. Maybe I should though. It appears that its hi-larious. But I digress.
Immediately after I ate the delectable desserts my two friends began to burst out laughing. When I asked what was so funny they replied “Nothing”. Like a dumbass, I believed them and went back to wait for my dad. Keep reading, the story only gets better.
When my dad picked me up, I convinced him to drive through Wendy’s to get me some delicious delicious junior bacon cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets, and fries. We went through the drive through and my dad handed me my bag of food which I placed on my lap.
The next thing I remember, I am waking up in my driveway with that same bag of food sitting on my lap. The car is turned off, I am the only person in it, and it seems to be at least an hour later, judging from how much darker it was outside.
At the time, I was feeling a little weird, so I decided to just take my food up to my room and eat it there. Once I was in my room, time pretty much ceased to exists because that night I don’t recall doing anything but devouring my food and then playing handheld electronic Solitaire all night. Suffice to say, I woke up the next day having not studied for my last final that morning. All I could do was just go to school and try my best on the final hoping to not bomb.
Although I was extremely pissed off at my two “friends” for awhile after that, this story however has a happy ending. I somehow ended up just squeaking by with an A in the class and learned a valuable lesson.
DON’T EAT BROWNIES FROM YOUR STONER FRIENDS, THAT ARE SITTING IN THE TRUNK OF ONE OF THEIR CARS, AT SCHOOL, AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT YOU THE WHOLE TIME WHILE YOU EAT THEM!
Until next time,
-M-
This story takes place during early June of 2002 in the parking lot of my high school. I was a young naïve sophomore and it was the 2nd day of finals week. I was excited because I had just finished up my last final for the day and had only one last final the next day to study for. As I waited for my dad to pick me up from school, a couple of my friends approached me and asked me if I was hungry because they had some brownies they weren't going to eat.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that these two kids were, as the phrase goes, HUGE STONERS.
Falling victim to my unquenchable thirst for sweets I undoubtedly said yes, as only an insane person would turn down free food. We made our way to the trunk of one of their cars, because that’s where the food was located (which in retrospect was very peculiar). When they opened the trunk, before me lay a white paper plate containing 2 brownies wrapped in plastic. I asked them is there any Weed in these brownies, to which they replied “No”. Unconvinced, I made them swear to God, to which they, again, obliged.
Apparently, when I was a sophomore, these were the only 2 criteria that had to be met before I ate something questionable because I proceeded to inhale not one, but both brownies, without the slightest worry of them being loaded with Mary Jane. After all, who would think that their friends would feed them ganja (at school) and then lie to them about it, as a joke? I don’t go around crushing up little pills of X in peoples drinks and telling them that the drink is fine. Maybe I should though. It appears that its hi-larious. But I digress.
Immediately after I ate the delectable desserts my two friends began to burst out laughing. When I asked what was so funny they replied “Nothing”. Like a dumbass, I believed them and went back to wait for my dad. Keep reading, the story only gets better.
When my dad picked me up, I convinced him to drive through Wendy’s to get me some delicious delicious junior bacon cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets, and fries. We went through the drive through and my dad handed me my bag of food which I placed on my lap.
The next thing I remember, I am waking up in my driveway with that same bag of food sitting on my lap. The car is turned off, I am the only person in it, and it seems to be at least an hour later, judging from how much darker it was outside.
At the time, I was feeling a little weird, so I decided to just take my food up to my room and eat it there. Once I was in my room, time pretty much ceased to exists because that night I don’t recall doing anything but devouring my food and then playing handheld electronic Solitaire all night. Suffice to say, I woke up the next day having not studied for my last final that morning. All I could do was just go to school and try my best on the final hoping to not bomb.
Although I was extremely pissed off at my two “friends” for awhile after that, this story however has a happy ending. I somehow ended up just squeaking by with an A in the class and learned a valuable lesson.
DON’T EAT BROWNIES FROM YOUR STONER FRIENDS, THAT ARE SITTING IN THE TRUNK OF ONE OF THEIR CARS, AT SCHOOL, AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT YOU THE WHOLE TIME WHILE YOU EAT THEM!
Until next time,
-M-
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Random Thoughts/ On a Related Note
Some random thoughts while I contemplate how much shorter my commute will be starting next week.
When someone says “I’m over her” when it comes to a former girlfriend, etc., where was he before? On her, under her or my personal favorite, inside her?
Can you imagine a Baltimore Ravens vs. Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl? Would anyone watch? Somehow the “liberal media” (that’s what they’re called now, isn’t it?) would come up with some crap about how great a matchup it is. Let’s see: 1) Up and coming Ravens QB Joey Flacco against the aging veteran Cardinals QB Kurt Warner 2) Great defense vs. great offense 3) Edgerrin James with an opportunity to finally win a Super Bowl 4) Ray Lewis, escaped killer and lunatic, somehow is not in jail.
The things people will do to get on TV. Is it really worth it for the embarrassingly bad American Idol contestants to make a mockery of themselves on national television? Some of these people have to know they’re terrible, right?
The White Sox signed or are planning on signing Bartolo Colon, so here’s hoping Game 7 of the ALCS will feature Colon and C.C. Sabathia as starting pitchers with both participating in an eating contest between innings. In a related story, the White Sox pennant hopes are now no longer slim to none. Get it? Wow, I am hilarious.
I was told yesterday that I need to take girls out to dimly lit nice restaurants to make them feel good if I want to have a lasting relationship. There was also some other crap in there that I didn’t really pay attention to, mainly cause I was trying to hold back from saying, “You know where else is dimly lit and will make her feel good?”
On a related note, the porn industry wants a $5 billion bailout. Gives a whole new meaning to pulling out of the recession. (Also considered for this joke: 1) This bailout would be sure to create more jobs. 2) As part of an overall stimulus package for the U.S. economy… 3) Soft economy leads to porn industry requesting bailout.)
After re-watching the 2005 Illinois-Arizona game for the 1,029th time this week on the Big Ten Network, I have decided that Calvin Brock’s scholarship has been worth it. He has contributed next to nothing on the court, but his celebrations over the last five years have been well worth it. In that game, his vocabulary consisted of two words: Let’s and Go. And it worked for me. For those of you who watched last night's demolition of Michigan, who was he taunting in the crowd after he made a jump shot? Calvin, this is not prison and you should be tested to see if you can live on your own without the help of a nanny. On another related note, if you ever see Chester Frazier and have ever questioned his dominance, it would be best to just step out into traffic and avoid any repercussions. Or spend the entire day today outside wearing only socks. On yet another related note, I always think that Nick Smith was enjoying himself when Illinois was about to lose that game because it probably meant his college basketball career was over and he could go back to playing Minesweeper online by himself.
TV viewing update: The City, House, The Leveragist (TM Bill Simmons), The Real World, and Friday Night Lights have entered into my weekly viewings. Tyler’s TV viewings consist of Knight Rider, Lost and American Idol. I cant make this stuff up. I can justify watching The City because I need as much game as possible so that I can make Whitney weak at the knees when we eventually meet. Yes, this is going to happen.
When you say, “to make a long story short,” you are making the story longer by saying this, dumbass!
Is it sacrilegious to watch sports on DVR and therefore on delay? I cant decide and need to consult Bill Simmons, who is among my favorite five people on the planet. The other four are TBD, but Simmons is definitely there. Off the top of my head, Simmons, Tina Fey, Bruce Weber, Erin Andrews and Mark Titus (www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com) are my five. This list is not my age-old “Who would be at your dinner table if you only had 5 seats?” answer, because that answer is much easier. Me, Erin Andrews and three ugly and delusional people who are able to convince her that if she is ever going to marry someone, she must do it during her dinner. Also, there is no cell phone reception and no one is allowed in or out of this room. I like my chances in this situation.
When someone says “I’m over her” when it comes to a former girlfriend, etc., where was he before? On her, under her or my personal favorite, inside her?
Can you imagine a Baltimore Ravens vs. Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl? Would anyone watch? Somehow the “liberal media” (that’s what they’re called now, isn’t it?) would come up with some crap about how great a matchup it is. Let’s see: 1) Up and coming Ravens QB Joey Flacco against the aging veteran Cardinals QB Kurt Warner 2) Great defense vs. great offense 3) Edgerrin James with an opportunity to finally win a Super Bowl 4) Ray Lewis, escaped killer and lunatic, somehow is not in jail.
The things people will do to get on TV. Is it really worth it for the embarrassingly bad American Idol contestants to make a mockery of themselves on national television? Some of these people have to know they’re terrible, right?
The White Sox signed or are planning on signing Bartolo Colon, so here’s hoping Game 7 of the ALCS will feature Colon and C.C. Sabathia as starting pitchers with both participating in an eating contest between innings. In a related story, the White Sox pennant hopes are now no longer slim to none. Get it? Wow, I am hilarious.
I was told yesterday that I need to take girls out to dimly lit nice restaurants to make them feel good if I want to have a lasting relationship. There was also some other crap in there that I didn’t really pay attention to, mainly cause I was trying to hold back from saying, “You know where else is dimly lit and will make her feel good?”
On a related note, the porn industry wants a $5 billion bailout. Gives a whole new meaning to pulling out of the recession. (Also considered for this joke: 1) This bailout would be sure to create more jobs. 2) As part of an overall stimulus package for the U.S. economy… 3) Soft economy leads to porn industry requesting bailout.)
After re-watching the 2005 Illinois-Arizona game for the 1,029th time this week on the Big Ten Network, I have decided that Calvin Brock’s scholarship has been worth it. He has contributed next to nothing on the court, but his celebrations over the last five years have been well worth it. In that game, his vocabulary consisted of two words: Let’s and Go. And it worked for me. For those of you who watched last night's demolition of Michigan, who was he taunting in the crowd after he made a jump shot? Calvin, this is not prison and you should be tested to see if you can live on your own without the help of a nanny. On another related note, if you ever see Chester Frazier and have ever questioned his dominance, it would be best to just step out into traffic and avoid any repercussions. Or spend the entire day today outside wearing only socks. On yet another related note, I always think that Nick Smith was enjoying himself when Illinois was about to lose that game because it probably meant his college basketball career was over and he could go back to playing Minesweeper online by himself.
TV viewing update: The City, House, The Leveragist (TM Bill Simmons), The Real World, and Friday Night Lights have entered into my weekly viewings. Tyler’s TV viewings consist of Knight Rider, Lost and American Idol. I cant make this stuff up. I can justify watching The City because I need as much game as possible so that I can make Whitney weak at the knees when we eventually meet. Yes, this is going to happen.
When you say, “to make a long story short,” you are making the story longer by saying this, dumbass!
Is it sacrilegious to watch sports on DVR and therefore on delay? I cant decide and need to consult Bill Simmons, who is among my favorite five people on the planet. The other four are TBD, but Simmons is definitely there. Off the top of my head, Simmons, Tina Fey, Bruce Weber, Erin Andrews and Mark Titus (www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com) are my five. This list is not my age-old “Who would be at your dinner table if you only had 5 seats?” answer, because that answer is much easier. Me, Erin Andrews and three ugly and delusional people who are able to convince her that if she is ever going to marry someone, she must do it during her dinner. Also, there is no cell phone reception and no one is allowed in or out of this room. I like my chances in this situation.
2009 Will Be Divine!
Cubs Lineup -
1. Alfonso Soriano LF
2. Ryan Theriot SS
3. Derrek Lee 1B
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B
5. Milton Bradley RF
6. Geovanny Sogood C
7. Mike Fontenot 2B
8. Kosuke Fukudome CF
Cubs Rotation -
1. Jake Peavy
2. Carlos Zambrano
3. Ryan Dempster
4. Rich Harden
5. Theodore Roosevelt Lilly
Cubs Bullpen -
The Shark in the 7th
Kevin Gregg in the 8th
Carlos Marmol in the 9th
A couple of things, first the Cubs will get Jake Peavy once a new owner comes in and realizes that Wrigley Field is basically a mint. Second, Aramis Ramirez is one of the most clutch hitters in baseball. Last year he lead the majors in RBI after the 6th inning. No big deal.
Prediction: 108 - 54
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wait Til Next Year
As a White Sox fan, I can find the humor in the frustration of the fans on the north side. While I do not root against the Cubs (I actually root for them to beat most teams other than the Sox), I don't get upset when they lose. While it is still very early in the year and I nearly got frost bite walking the 10 feet to my car this morning, I figure I'll get a head start on all the experts this year. This post is my tribute to those loveable losers, the Chicago Cubs.
I thought this was entertaining: "The Chicago Cubs Fan Emotional Journey"
Steve Goodman is probably my favorite thing associated with the Cubs. While he is better known for writing the song "Go Cubs Go", this is another great one. It's long, but a classic: "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request"
2009 OUTLOOK
Projected Lineup
1 LF Alfonso Soriano
2 CF Kosuke Fukudome
3 1B Derrek Lee
4 3B Aramis Ramirez
5 RF Milton Bradley
6 C Geovany Soto
7 2B Mike Fontenot
8 SS Ryan Theriot
Projected Rotation
1 Carlos Zambrano (RH)
2 Ryan Dempster (RH)
3 Ted Lilly (LH)
4 Rich Harden (RH)
5 Sean Marshall (LH)
Prediction: Record 89-73. Perhaps this conversation could happen on the El...
I'm not worried about their best pitching. They got pitching...
While Big Z, Dempster, and Harden have the potential to provide lights out stuff every time they take the mound, they have also shown serious signs of inconsistancy. Overall, they have a great rotation and a solid pen with Marmol's nasty stuff finally getting a shot to close. Samardzija should be exciting to watch too once he finds his role with the team.
...They got no hitting.
No hitting? They got hitting!
D.P. D-Lee isn't the same hitter he once was, and Derosa will be a tough bat to replace. Milton Bradley could be a great addition if he stays healthy and keeps his mind on baseball (and not classic board games...). Soriano is rediculous IF he can stay healthy... how a stick man like that can produce so much power is beyond me. I dislike Aramis Ramirez regardless of what anyone says. He is a bum. The shine of Fukudome faded away towards the end of last year, so he is another question mark. Soto will continue to produce behind the plate, and everyone knows you can't quiet The Riot.
...They got no defense.
I like Fontenot at second, especially since it reunites the "French Connection" up the middle with Theriot. D-Lee still has Gold Glove stuff at first. The outfield should be able to cover enough ground to be respectable, and I will enjoy watching Soriano skip around like a Mary.
Defense? Please. ...They need speed.
Speed? They got speed...
While they don't have blazing speed, there are multiple baserunning threats that should keep defenses on their toes.
...They need a bullpen.
Marmol's no good? ...They got no team leaders.
They got DLee! ...What they need is a front office (Tribune...).
But you gotta like their chances...
I LOVE their chances.
I hope that you Cub fans out there will speak up and let me know your thoughts. Perhaps even an additional prediction post is in order. I will preview the White Sox in my next installment. Until then,
Scottimus
.
I thought this was entertaining: "The Chicago Cubs Fan Emotional Journey"
Steve Goodman is probably my favorite thing associated with the Cubs. While he is better known for writing the song "Go Cubs Go", this is another great one. It's long, but a classic: "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request"
2009 OUTLOOK
Projected Lineup
1 LF Alfonso Soriano
2 CF Kosuke Fukudome
3 1B Derrek Lee
4 3B Aramis Ramirez
5 RF Milton Bradley
6 C Geovany Soto
7 2B Mike Fontenot
8 SS Ryan Theriot
Projected Rotation
1 Carlos Zambrano (RH)
2 Ryan Dempster (RH)
3 Ted Lilly (LH)
4 Rich Harden (RH)
5 Sean Marshall (LH)
Prediction: Record 89-73. Perhaps this conversation could happen on the El...
I'm not worried about their best pitching. They got pitching...
While Big Z, Dempster, and Harden have the potential to provide lights out stuff every time they take the mound, they have also shown serious signs of inconsistancy. Overall, they have a great rotation and a solid pen with Marmol's nasty stuff finally getting a shot to close. Samardzija should be exciting to watch too once he finds his role with the team.
...They got no hitting.
No hitting? They got hitting!
D.P. D-Lee isn't the same hitter he once was, and Derosa will be a tough bat to replace. Milton Bradley could be a great addition if he stays healthy and keeps his mind on baseball (and not classic board games...). Soriano is rediculous IF he can stay healthy... how a stick man like that can produce so much power is beyond me. I dislike Aramis Ramirez regardless of what anyone says. He is a bum. The shine of Fukudome faded away towards the end of last year, so he is another question mark. Soto will continue to produce behind the plate, and everyone knows you can't quiet The Riot.
...They got no defense.
I like Fontenot at second, especially since it reunites the "French Connection" up the middle with Theriot. D-Lee still has Gold Glove stuff at first. The outfield should be able to cover enough ground to be respectable, and I will enjoy watching Soriano skip around like a Mary.
Defense? Please. ...They need speed.
Speed? They got speed...
While they don't have blazing speed, there are multiple baserunning threats that should keep defenses on their toes.
...They need a bullpen.
Marmol's no good? ...They got no team leaders.
They got DLee! ...What they need is a front office (Tribune...).
But you gotta like their chances...
I LOVE their chances.
I hope that you Cub fans out there will speak up and let me know your thoughts. Perhaps even an additional prediction post is in order. I will preview the White Sox in my next installment. Until then,
Scottimus
.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
On the Road to Defeated
Since I was on vacation I was unable to preview Indiana's games against Michigan and Illinois.
To recap, here is what you missed against Michigan -
And against Illinois you missed this -
Right now Indiana is only losing by 17 to Ohio St. (who is playing without David Lighty). I suspect they will end up losing by 20+ and will be 0-4 in the Big Ten.
Odds of going defeated - 33%
To recap, here is what you missed against Michigan -
And against Illinois you missed this -
Right now Indiana is only losing by 17 to Ohio St. (who is playing without David Lighty). I suspect they will end up losing by 20+ and will be 0-4 in the Big Ten.
Odds of going defeated - 33%
Misc. experiences whilst at home...
I haven't posted anything to this blog in a really long time, mainly b/c we just got high speed internet at home (literally a couple days ago), but here goes a poorly thought out attempt at it. This is just a small list of some of the things that have happened to me while I've been at home for no more than a month from school. None of these stories have been embellished, b/c they need no embellishing (Scott/Tom: name that paraphrased quote). This is just a short peek through the insane window that is my life at home. They are in no particular order, but just as they came to mind.
-I took a crap on another crap already in the toilet b/c my father likes to save water from the shower in a bucket while the water warms up and then re-use it to flush the toilets in the house (if you pour water into a toilet, it flushes on its own – don’t ask me how, it just does). He bitches me out if I flush the toilet and after so many weeks I have eventually given in. To answer your question, “No”, the initial poop was not mine. I can only speculate as to who the poopetrator was. And let me say that I almost vomited during the experience. A new low point in my life.
**by the way, I’m writing this from the computer at my church where I’m filling in for the secretary today, making this entry all the more awkward**
-I have not been allowed to drive a car when it has recently snowed while I’ve been at home. My dad doesn’t trust me not to crash it. So he has to drive me everywhere and I have to have friends drive me home. (side note – pretty much every time I’ve borrow one of our family cars since I was 16, my dad has told me not to wreck the car as I’ve walked out the door)
-I have had to shovel the driveway at least 6 times since I’ve been home. And you may ask, “Why 6 times? It hasn’t snowed that many times since you’ve been home.” Well, my dad likes to have me shovel the driveway every 3 inches or so b/c he says it gets too difficult after that. Best of all, we have a snow blower, but of course I am not permitted to use it and my dad won’t use it when I’m around b/c he’s getting free manual labor and can save the money on the gas.
-I wear a coat and hat often times around my house (literally) b/c the thermostat is set to 63 degrees. When I decide to get a little crazy and use my stealth like ninja moves to sneak into the dining room and bump it up to a balmy and selfish 65, my dad yells at me and immediately changes it back.
-My dad continually tells my mom that either I ate like 4 double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s for lunch, or that Deloitte has withdrawn my job offer, or that I lost all of my money gambling. All of these claims are of course not true. But by the time my mom gets home from work she either tells me that I need to lose weight, inquires about my job situation, or tries to counsel me for my gambling addiction. The best times are when she starts crying b/c I tell her that she’s insane and that pretty much everything my dad says is a lie.
-I got a flat tire while driving home from a scam interview to sell Cut-co Knives door to door (they didn’t tell me that when I went in for the interview). When I pulled the car into a neighborhood and called my dad to let him know, he told me to just wait in the car and that he’d be there soon. I had looked around the car for a spare tire and had not seen one, so naturally I assumed that he had to come in person b/c the car didn’t have a spare on it. Little did I know that there was a spare underneath the car that he chose not to tell me about. While I could have been changing the tire myself, I sat there for about ½ an hour waiting for him to come, freezing my ass off b/c he told me not to run the car and waste gas while I waited. When he arrived and got the tire from beneath the car and changed it, I stood there in amazement at the fact that he would rather drive ½ an hour out of his way to change a tire, while I froze in the car, than guide me over the phone through changing the tire myself.
These stories are only a tid bit of the sheer absurdity of my life while living at home. I may seem very pissed off about these scenarios, but one unexpected benefit has occurred while I have sat here typing. Getting these stories out on virtual paper has been a truly calming experience. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. So basically I’m saying, if you don’t find these amusing at all, I don’t really care, b/c I have benefited from writing them.
Until next time,
-M-
-I took a crap on another crap already in the toilet b/c my father likes to save water from the shower in a bucket while the water warms up and then re-use it to flush the toilets in the house (if you pour water into a toilet, it flushes on its own – don’t ask me how, it just does). He bitches me out if I flush the toilet and after so many weeks I have eventually given in. To answer your question, “No”, the initial poop was not mine. I can only speculate as to who the poopetrator was. And let me say that I almost vomited during the experience. A new low point in my life.
**by the way, I’m writing this from the computer at my church where I’m filling in for the secretary today, making this entry all the more awkward**
-I have not been allowed to drive a car when it has recently snowed while I’ve been at home. My dad doesn’t trust me not to crash it. So he has to drive me everywhere and I have to have friends drive me home. (side note – pretty much every time I’ve borrow one of our family cars since I was 16, my dad has told me not to wreck the car as I’ve walked out the door)
-I have had to shovel the driveway at least 6 times since I’ve been home. And you may ask, “Why 6 times? It hasn’t snowed that many times since you’ve been home.” Well, my dad likes to have me shovel the driveway every 3 inches or so b/c he says it gets too difficult after that. Best of all, we have a snow blower, but of course I am not permitted to use it and my dad won’t use it when I’m around b/c he’s getting free manual labor and can save the money on the gas.
-I wear a coat and hat often times around my house (literally) b/c the thermostat is set to 63 degrees. When I decide to get a little crazy and use my stealth like ninja moves to sneak into the dining room and bump it up to a balmy and selfish 65, my dad yells at me and immediately changes it back.
-My dad continually tells my mom that either I ate like 4 double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s for lunch, or that Deloitte has withdrawn my job offer, or that I lost all of my money gambling. All of these claims are of course not true. But by the time my mom gets home from work she either tells me that I need to lose weight, inquires about my job situation, or tries to counsel me for my gambling addiction. The best times are when she starts crying b/c I tell her that she’s insane and that pretty much everything my dad says is a lie.
-I got a flat tire while driving home from a scam interview to sell Cut-co Knives door to door (they didn’t tell me that when I went in for the interview). When I pulled the car into a neighborhood and called my dad to let him know, he told me to just wait in the car and that he’d be there soon. I had looked around the car for a spare tire and had not seen one, so naturally I assumed that he had to come in person b/c the car didn’t have a spare on it. Little did I know that there was a spare underneath the car that he chose not to tell me about. While I could have been changing the tire myself, I sat there for about ½ an hour waiting for him to come, freezing my ass off b/c he told me not to run the car and waste gas while I waited. When he arrived and got the tire from beneath the car and changed it, I stood there in amazement at the fact that he would rather drive ½ an hour out of his way to change a tire, while I froze in the car, than guide me over the phone through changing the tire myself.
These stories are only a tid bit of the sheer absurdity of my life while living at home. I may seem very pissed off about these scenarios, but one unexpected benefit has occurred while I have sat here typing. Getting these stories out on virtual paper has been a truly calming experience. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. So basically I’m saying, if you don’t find these amusing at all, I don’t really care, b/c I have benefited from writing them.
Until next time,
-M-
Monday, January 12, 2009
People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote
Stoner Parents - Smoking pot after college is immature, but continuing to smoke pot when you become a parent is downright irresponsible and reckless. Honestly, its not cool to wear ski helmets with "Grow Mary Jane" stickers when you are skiing with your kids.
People who wear cowboy hats in public - I don't think an explanation is needed.
People who wear letterman's jackets - Look, no one cares if you played football or basketball in high school, and we care way less about the marching band and chess team.
50 year old men who check their facebook accounts at the airport - I have enough trouble reconciling adults using facebook but checking your account on your company thinkpad while using a bluetooth headset is over the line.
I Was Right and Some Cool Pics
Last night the Golden Globes awarded Slumdog Millionaire best picture along with three other awards. Kate Winslett won best actress and Mickey Rourke won best actor. Basically they Joe Bidened my blog, aka plagiarizing.
Also, Obama's Cadillac One -
And a map of the United States by GDP -
Also, Obama's Cadillac One -
And a map of the United States by GDP -
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
On the Road to Defeated
Like the 08 Detroit Lions and 76 Tampa Bay Buccanears, losing every game is almost impossible but with the right mix ineptness, deficient talent, terrible coaching, and a little luck a team can indeed lose every game.
Today's opponent, the Michigan Wolverines. Michigan comes in at 11-3 overall and a conference record of 1-1. Having recently defeated the Beloved at home, Michigan and its second year coach John Belein are looking to put together a good start before a daunting final month.
Tonight's predicition: Michigan 76 Indiana 51.
Chances of going defeated in the Big Ten play: 15%
Monday, January 5, 2009
Tom's 2008 Movie Awards
Best Supporting Actor - Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight: pretty much stole the movie and gave us one of the best villains of all time. Runner-up: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Best Supporting Actress - Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler: apparently Marisa Tomei also has a thing for overweight past their prime wrestlers, I kid, she does a great job portraying a past her prime stripper. Runner-up: Amy Adams, Doubt
Best Actor - Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler: back from the dead Rourke gives a fantastic portrayal of a wrestler searching for an identity after his best days are behind him. Runner-up: Daniel Craig, Defiance
Best Actress - Kate Winslett, Revolutionary Road: Winslett gives a haunting performance of woman trapped in a loveless marriage who will do anything to escape her mundane life. Runner-up: Merryl Streep, Doubt
Best Director - Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight: Nolan transforms Chicago into Gotham and paints a city and its inhabitants on the verge of chaos. Runner-up: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
Best Screenplay - Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight: Nolan had help from his brother, I forget his name, but Nolan should be rewarded for not only The Dark Knight but also Batman Begins. Nolan delicately pieced together a story where Batman, the Joker, and other villains could realistically exist. Runner-up: Justin Haythe, Revolutionary Road
Best Costume/Makeup Design - Tropic Thunder: Whoever did the makeup for Robert Downey Jr. should never have to work again. Runner-up: The Dark Knight
Best Special Effects - Wanted: Wanted was simply insane. From the car chase in Chicago to the European train scene, the effects were out of control. Runner-up: Iron Man
Best Picture - The Dark Knight: For me a great movie should do three thing; entertain you, make you think, and have a point. The Dark Knight did all of these and more. Runner-up: Slumdog Millionaire
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)