Random Thoughts/ On a Related Note

Some random thoughts while I contemplate how much shorter my commute will be starting next week.

When someone says “I’m over her” when it comes to a former girlfriend, etc., where was he before? On her, under her or my personal favorite, inside her?

Can you imagine a Baltimore Ravens vs. Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl? Would anyone watch? Somehow the “liberal media” (that’s what they’re called now, isn’t it?) would come up with some crap about how great a matchup it is. Let’s see: 1) Up and coming Ravens QB Joey Flacco against the aging veteran Cardinals QB Kurt Warner 2) Great defense vs. great offense 3) Edgerrin James with an opportunity to finally win a Super Bowl 4) Ray Lewis, escaped killer and lunatic, somehow is not in jail.

The things people will do to get on TV. Is it really worth it for the embarrassingly bad American Idol contestants to make a mockery of themselves on national television? Some of these people have to know they’re terrible, right?

The White Sox signed or are planning on signing Bartolo Colon, so here’s hoping Game 7 of the ALCS will feature Colon and C.C. Sabathia as starting pitchers with both participating in an eating contest between innings. In a related story, the White Sox pennant hopes are now no longer slim to none. Get it? Wow, I am hilarious.

I was told yesterday that I need to take girls out to dimly lit nice restaurants to make them feel good if I want to have a lasting relationship. There was also some other crap in there that I didn’t really pay attention to, mainly cause I was trying to hold back from saying, “You know where else is dimly lit and will make her feel good?”

On a related note, the porn industry wants a $5 billion bailout. Gives a whole new meaning to pulling out of the recession. (Also considered for this joke: 1) This bailout would be sure to create more jobs. 2) As part of an overall stimulus package for the U.S. economy… 3) Soft economy leads to porn industry requesting bailout.)

After re-watching the 2005 Illinois-Arizona game for the 1,029th time this week on the Big Ten Network, I have decided that Calvin Brock’s scholarship has been worth it. He has contributed next to nothing on the court, but his celebrations over the last five years have been well worth it. In that game, his vocabulary consisted of two words: Let’s and Go. And it worked for me. For those of you who watched last night's demolition of Michigan, who was he taunting in the crowd after he made a jump shot? Calvin, this is not prison and you should be tested to see if you can live on your own without the help of a nanny. On another related note, if you ever see Chester Frazier and have ever questioned his dominance, it would be best to just step out into traffic and avoid any repercussions. Or spend the entire day today outside wearing only socks. On yet another related note, I always think that Nick Smith was enjoying himself when Illinois was about to lose that game because it probably meant his college basketball career was over and he could go back to playing Minesweeper online by himself.

TV viewing update: The City, House, The Leveragist (TM Bill Simmons), The Real World, and Friday Night Lights have entered into my weekly viewings. Tyler’s TV viewings consist of Knight Rider, Lost and American Idol. I cant make this stuff up. I can justify watching The City because I need as much game as possible so that I can make Whitney weak at the knees when we eventually meet. Yes, this is going to happen.

When you say, “to make a long story short,” you are making the story longer by saying this, dumbass!

Is it sacrilegious to watch sports on DVR and therefore on delay? I cant decide and need to consult Bill Simmons, who is among my favorite five people on the planet. The other four are TBD, but Simmons is definitely there. Off the top of my head, Simmons, Tina Fey, Bruce Weber, Erin Andrews and Mark Titus (www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com) are my five. This list is not my age-old “Who would be at your dinner table if you only had 5 seats?” answer, because that answer is much easier. Me, Erin Andrews and three ugly and delusional people who are able to convince her that if she is ever going to marry someone, she must do it during her dinner. Also, there is no cell phone reception and no one is allowed in or out of this room. I like my chances in this situation.