Women and Why They All Secretly Hate Each Other

While listening to Adam Carolla's podcast, this author highly recommends it, Adam Carolla and Bill Simmons recently discussed the theory that all women secretly hate each other. I couldn't agree with them more and will now take the time to expound on their theory and add my own pithy thoughts.

I understand

The example Carolla and Simmons used to support their theory was what would happen if five girls planned a lunch and only four showed up? The obvious answer is that the four girls would spend the entire time ripping the girl who didn't show. This situation reaches DEFCON 1 if the other women find out they were ditched for a man.

Now if the same situation happened to me or other guys we might be a little perturbed. However, guys are generally supportive in their fellow man's quest for the nookie. If your single friend is with a single girl and there is some alcohol involved then his hands are tied.

Get Out!

This all segways very nicely into another explanation for why women secretly hate each other: women loose their minds if a friend hooks up with a guy they consider out of her league. The reason behind this is that for the most part men start relationships and women in turn decided to judge themselves by this.

You are now wondering, what about women who start relationships? Eons ago, women decided that they would label these aggressive women as whores, desperate, and skanky. Thus few women will try and start a relationship and if she does she faces condemnation from her entire race.

Men, on the other hand, are extremely supportive of their fellow man hooking up with a hottie. The main reason being that it gives them hope to land a future hottie and it also brings all of said hottie's friends into play. A good analogy would be that men view the guy who lands a mega hottie the way history views Columbus. Of course history views Columbus as a courageous adventurer who scored some hot exotic booty.

It's Too Late To Apologize

Another reason why women secretly hate each other is that they never fully apologize. And because I have never heard a woman apologize fully nor have I heard an apology been fully accepted. More often than not girls who are fighting/disagreeing simply ignore each other. We men can learn or thing or two from women and their deployment of the cold shoulder.

Apologizing isn't the only hurdle that women face in the struggle to not hating each other. Women have little to no competitive outlets. Men play sports, watch sports, and play video games daily and usually at very competitive levels. These activities allow for the release of pent up anger and allow us to move on from past issues.

Women on the other hand, exercise, watch Sex in the City, and Gossip Girl. Only exercising helps release frustrations and only does so mildly. Gossipy shows and TLC do nothing to help relieve stress. In fact I would say they only increase stress by depicting bitchy women and back stabbing guys.

And how does that make you feel?

It is my personal opinion that unless women learn to apologize and relieve their stress through some sort of physical or emotional means they will continue on their destructive path to irrelevance or worse extinction.

So if you or someone you know is a woman, please sit them down let them know its ok to apologize and recommend that they join their local boxing club.