Friday Potpourri

Notre Dame's TV money may no longer be a hurdle in joining the Big Ten.

For you iPhone users, a list of 100+ new features in iPhone 3.0.

A bad ass sketch of what Memorial Stadium was originally supposed to look like.

Good Will Leitch (Deadspin) article on how the Cardinals could lose Pujols. DPTOTI prediction, Cubs use Derrek Lee money to sign Pujols away from the Cardinals.

Two Nebraska wrestlers did gay porn? Get out of town.

Hilarious review of the Ford Fiesta -


Joe Buck's first show goes horribly, horribly wrong -


Shawn Johnson euthanized -


Every week on Entourage -

Watch Every Week on Entourage and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

A Gene for All Seasons

The editors of DPTOTI would like to welcome another guest blogger, Jacob.

While now he may be best known as a rising jurist at a prestigious southern university and international advocate for human rights, there was a time when Gene was just another freshman in the dorms at U of I. This was many of ours’ first introduction to Gene: tall, in-shape (!), an insatiable appetite for larger women, and a comically low tolerance for alcohol. Keen historian that I am, I knew that this was a Gene that I had to preserve for future generations. So as I was browsing through my old college files the other week, I came across a collection of quotes that I wrote down freshman year for later amusement. So sit back and crack open a can of 100% genuine cold-filtered Gene:

Gene on cutlery:

“There are people who say you can live without three types of cleavers. I’ve never been one of these people.”

Gene on geography:

“You’re looking at that topographic map of Illinois like most guys look at porn.”

Gene on bowel movements:

“I hate when you take a really watery shit, no matter how hard you wipe, a little always drips out at the end.”

“Dude, can I have the Silly Putty back? I gotta take a shit and I need something to play with.”

Gene on faith:

“If video games were a religion, I’d be the Dalai Lama.”

Gene on video games:

“It’s pretty obvious the makers of the game had a pro-Pikachu agenda from day one.”

Gene on first aid:

“Neosporin is for pussies. Why can’t my white blood cells do the job? I have faith in my boys.”

Gene on family:

“I heard my mom is a demon in the sack.”

“If she weren’t my sister, I’d have to think about it [doing his sister].”

Gene on writing utensils:

“Dr. Grips have really gone downhill in the last few years. Have you guys noticed that?”

Gene on homelessness:

“I wouldn’t really mind being a hobo. As long as I would have food and stuff.”

Gene on public service:

“I kind of want to be President just so I can find out if there are really aliens. The leadership part, whatever.”

Gene on romance:

"Having sex with a fat chick is like an adventure. Is that a vagina or a roll of flab?"

Why Vanderbilt Should Join the Big Ten and How to Fix the Rest of the BCS

Every few months a national columnist writes an article on how they would reshape the Big Ten and rest of the BCS. They all sound good in theory but when you start to really look at the consequences the plans fall apart. Not so with my plan.

Decree #1: Vanderbilt leaves the SEC and joins the Big Ten.
- Vanderbilt is a top notch academic school and they don't cheat. The same can not be said of any other SEC school. Vanderbilt also has a large national alumnae base with many said alumnae located in major cities like Chicago and New York. Vanderbilt's addition would allow for a Big Ten Championship to be played yearly at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Decree #2: Memphis joins the SEC.
-Memphis is a crappy school and they cheat. Come on down! You're the next contestant on the SEC!

Decree #3: The regular season champions from the Mountain West Conference and WAC play in a "championship game" with an automatic spot in the BCS on the line.
-This way the Utah's, Boise St's. and Hawaii's of the world can quit their bitching and stop with the annoying anti-trust law suits.

And there you have it. I fixed the BCS with three simple decrees.