Friday Potpourri

Notre Dame's TV money may no longer be a hurdle in joining the Big Ten.

For you iPhone users, a list of 100+ new features in iPhone 3.0.

A bad ass sketch of what Memorial Stadium was originally supposed to look like.

Good Will Leitch (Deadspin) article on how the Cardinals could lose Pujols. DPTOTI prediction, Cubs use Derrek Lee money to sign Pujols away from the Cardinals.

Two Nebraska wrestlers did gay porn? Get out of town.

Hilarious review of the Ford Fiesta -


Joe Buck's first show goes horribly, horribly wrong -


Shawn Johnson euthanized -


Every week on Entourage -

Watch Every Week on Entourage and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

A Gene for All Seasons

The editors of DPTOTI would like to welcome another guest blogger, Jacob.

While now he may be best known as a rising jurist at a prestigious southern university and international advocate for human rights, there was a time when Gene was just another freshman in the dorms at U of I. This was many of ours’ first introduction to Gene: tall, in-shape (!), an insatiable appetite for larger women, and a comically low tolerance for alcohol. Keen historian that I am, I knew that this was a Gene that I had to preserve for future generations. So as I was browsing through my old college files the other week, I came across a collection of quotes that I wrote down freshman year for later amusement. So sit back and crack open a can of 100% genuine cold-filtered Gene:

Gene on cutlery:

“There are people who say you can live without three types of cleavers. I’ve never been one of these people.”

Gene on geography:

“You’re looking at that topographic map of Illinois like most guys look at porn.”

Gene on bowel movements:

“I hate when you take a really watery shit, no matter how hard you wipe, a little always drips out at the end.”

“Dude, can I have the Silly Putty back? I gotta take a shit and I need something to play with.”

Gene on faith:

“If video games were a religion, I’d be the Dalai Lama.”

Gene on video games:

“It’s pretty obvious the makers of the game had a pro-Pikachu agenda from day one.”

Gene on first aid:

“Neosporin is for pussies. Why can’t my white blood cells do the job? I have faith in my boys.”

Gene on family:

“I heard my mom is a demon in the sack.”

“If she weren’t my sister, I’d have to think about it [doing his sister].”

Gene on writing utensils:

“Dr. Grips have really gone downhill in the last few years. Have you guys noticed that?”

Gene on homelessness:

“I wouldn’t really mind being a hobo. As long as I would have food and stuff.”

Gene on public service:

“I kind of want to be President just so I can find out if there are really aliens. The leadership part, whatever.”

Gene on romance:

"Having sex with a fat chick is like an adventure. Is that a vagina or a roll of flab?"

Why Vanderbilt Should Join the Big Ten and How to Fix the Rest of the BCS

Every few months a national columnist writes an article on how they would reshape the Big Ten and rest of the BCS. They all sound good in theory but when you start to really look at the consequences the plans fall apart. Not so with my plan.

Decree #1: Vanderbilt leaves the SEC and joins the Big Ten.
- Vanderbilt is a top notch academic school and they don't cheat. The same can not be said of any other SEC school. Vanderbilt also has a large national alumnae base with many said alumnae located in major cities like Chicago and New York. Vanderbilt's addition would allow for a Big Ten Championship to be played yearly at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Decree #2: Memphis joins the SEC.
-Memphis is a crappy school and they cheat. Come on down! You're the next contestant on the SEC!

Decree #3: The regular season champions from the Mountain West Conference and WAC play in a "championship game" with an automatic spot in the BCS on the line.
-This way the Utah's, Boise St's. and Hawaii's of the world can quit their bitching and stop with the annoying anti-trust law suits.

And there you have it. I fixed the BCS with three simple decrees.

Obama, Cars, and You by "T"

This is a guest blog by a good friend "T". The editors of DPTOTI hope you enjoy.

At the request of Tom, he expressed desire that I join in his initial quasi-rant on the blog regarding the Obama auto emissions standard that he adopted last month. We proceeded to get into a decent conversation regarding the issue, and I believe I made it fairly clear that the new standard had its pros and cons.

Here's the basics. The government is going to require that automakers selling cars in the United States will be required to have an average mpg of 35.5 by the year 2016. According to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics (yes, a branch of the USDOT), the average new car mpg in 1980 for a passenger car was 24.3. In 2008, that number was 31.2, a 28% increase from 1980. Now, to get to 35.5 by 2016, the US auto industry must increase it by nearly 14% in the next 7 years. The numbers don't lie... time is not on our side.

However, from a business point of view, the car manufacturers embraced the new numbers, maybe to entice a whole new breed of competition over the next 7 years or because majority of the technology is already present and they have heard that the number is fairly feasible. The EPA says that the average cost increase will only be about $600 by 2016, where others say that number may be up in the $1500 area, a significant amount even considering 5 years of fuel savings. Those mpg numbers I show are only representative of the passenger car, where the light truck average for 2008 was only 23.4. Averaging that with the passenger car number gives an mpg of 27.3. That number is downright scary. A few things have to happen/are already happening:

1) A reduction in V8 Engines -- By 2016, it appears that some V6 engines may be more powerful than the V8s are now. If you don't need a V8, why pay the extra money for it unless you need it as a diesel or for commercial purposes.
2) A possible cap and trade market with car emissions -- This would increase the pressure for auto makers to keep that number rising.
3) Dual-clutch transmission expansion -- Would reduce losses between the engine and transmission between gears
4) Turbochargers -- As a proud owner of one... who wouldn't be fond of a change like that?
5) Reduction of powertrain losses -- Any help to increase the efficiency of hybrids

There is already a significant drop in the sales of full-sized SUV's over the past few years, so that certainly helps. And, as of right now, the credits for E85 are only extended through 2015, so that may not be the route to go either. One could also argue that the amount of additional infrastructure to increase ethanol production here in the U.S. is not feasible in comparison to other technologies. Hydrogen fuel cell development from electricity and/or natural gas may cause some infrastructure problems as well. The energy infrastructure problem would be a whole other monster to tackle. I could go on and on about this, but I do believe that if people want their big ass bruiser just to have one... by all means. Just be ready to pay for it at the dealer, and at the pump. We are going the "european route" to an extent, but I don't think we will ever really get there. The technology will be able to reduce the emissions and oil dependence significantly. Now we just need China to get on board...

Friday Potpourri

David Carradine's lawyer thinks ninjas were involved...yes seriously.

TOTUS -

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Zach Morris is back -


Chad Ochocinco, moron extraordinaire, says Carson Palmer and he will be "like Brokeback."

WGN reporter makes kid cry, notice the kid is wearing Sox stuff -


Frank, Mac, and Charlie -


I love Bruce Willis but this is indefensible -

Random Musings

- I loathe all of the "Coexist" bumper stickers. Seriously, this is America, we coexist better than any other country in the world. Why don't you go take your Toyota Prius and your Coexist bumper sticker for a cruise around Baghdad and see how that goes.

- What is the correct protocol for a friend who is outside your house and has to puke? Last weekend a good friend dropped me off in the morning after a night of drinking and needed to "call Ralph on the big phone." He proceeded to puke in bush but it got me to thinking about what exactly I should have done. Your thoughts?

- Why hasn't there been a reality series or special pitting the degenerates from I Love New York and Flavor of Love against the ingrates of the Real World and Road Rules Challenges? MTV and VH1 are owned by the same company, these people will already do anything for money, and people would watch. What am I missing here?

- Speaking of MTV, you have to admit they got it right with dumping music videos and going to reality TV. If you want to watch a music video you log onto Youtube. I wonder if newspapers would be in better shape if they had been run by the MTV people......did I really just type that?

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

James Harrison - Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker and Super Bowl MVP, Harrison recently checked his infant son out of the hospital because he was bitten in the face by the family pit bull. Here's the deal, getting a pit bull is stupid in general but when you get one when you have a infant you should no longer be allowed to vote.

People who own snakes - The only reason to own a snake is to watch it eat. So basically you are investing hundreds of dollars in order to watch a giant snake eat harmless rodents and critters? Has a hot girl ever told her friends, "Yeah Jason is a great guy and he owns a pet snake!" Sexual innuendos aside, the answer is no. People who get off on watching mice die should not be allowed to vote.

Congress* - While shopping at Costco yesterday I saw a 24 pack of bottled, old fashioned Coke. Needless to say I pounced on that faster than Tony LaRussa seeing a new pair of blue blockers. In case you didn't know, Coke and Pepsi were forced to switch from sugar to high fructose corn syrup because Congress passed regulations on the amount of imported sugar. So while the rest of the world drinks sweet delicious sugar coke we are getting shafted with corn. No sugar, no vote.

Whoever decided that we need to hold the shift key to use a ? - Seriously? I can't remember the last time I used /, to mention the other five or so keys that get special treatment. On that note, why the hell is ! above the number 1 key? How we haven't updated the keyboard over the last 25 years is really a pathetic failure of the human race.

*Ron Paul excluded because he agrees with me.

I made food, and so can you!

So I've decided that I'm going to try to cook one thing a week from now on (like a legit meal), and I'll post what I made and if it tasted good or totally sucked balls. Anyone who knows me, knows that I pretty much have never cooked a real meal in my life, so if I can do it, so can you.

**Also, if anyone has a recipe that they haven't tried but want to know if it's good, I'll try to make it and then you know how it tastes.**

I know that Tom likes to cook as well and fancies himself quite the chef so I'm sure he'll chime in too. Here's what I made last week. It was pretty good. For a side, I made some mashed potatoes from scratch as well. I forgot to make a vegetable, but I imagine that pretty much any veggie would have tasted fine.

High heat roasting keeps this coconut-infused red snapper moist and flavorful. Dijon mustard and lime juice combine to make a piquant sauce.

Coconut Lime Fillets

1 large egg, beaten
1/3 cup coconut milk
3/4 cup fine bread crumbs
1/2 cup flaked unsweetened coconut (**I used sweetened coconut and it was still good**)
1 teaspoon finely grated lime peel
4 red snapper fillets (**My fillets were about 6 oz.**)
1/4 cup reduced-calorie mayonnaise
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons lime juice

(1) Preheat oven to 450°F. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
(2) Combine egg and coconut milk in a shallow dish. Combine bread crumbs, coconut and lime peel in another shallow dish. Dip fillets in egg mixture, then dredge in coconut mixture. Arrange fillets on prepared baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes (**probably more like 15-20 minutes**), or until fish flakes easily with a fork.
(3) Meanwhile, whisk mayonnaise, mustard and lime juice in a small bowl. Serve alongside fish.

Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition per serving: Calories 313 Fat 18.6g Sat. Fat 11.04g Protein 27.16g Cholesterol 95.40mg Sodium 288.5mg

Overall, pretty healthy and delicious. Bon Appétit.

Until Next Time,

-M-

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

Tony LaRussa - In case you missed it, Tony is suing twitter because someone created a fake twitter account using his name and picture. The user then posted tweets (is that grammatically correct?) "Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher... I'd call that an I-55 series." Look Tony, you wear sunglasses at night and take drunk naps at intersections. Not to mention you are the biggest steroid peddler of this or any generation. I had so many reasons before to not allow you to vote, but suing twitter is a new low, or is it high?

People who complain about the University of Illinois "I list" - Like sands through the hourglass, so is a yearly Tribune story on some one's kid not getting into U of I. The so called "I list" amounts to 100 kids whose ACT score is .6 lower than the average student getting "preferential treatment." By preferential treatment I mean they have an 8% better chance of getting in. Mind you their ACT average is devoid of students who score 33 or higher on the ACT because those kids aren't going to need help getting in. Secondly, this "I list" pails in comparison to private schools like Notre Dame, Chicago, or Northwestern. And look at those schools, people donate buildings and pizza and the University benefits greatly as a whole. What's next? People getting jobs because they know someone at the company? Shocking.

Memphis and Kentucky fans - These delusional fan bases are both expressing outrage that people would consider John Calipari a sleazy coach. At UMASS Calipari's Final Four was voided because Marcus Camby was taking money from agents but Calipari knew nothing about it. So i Guess he just ignored Camby's nicer car, apartment, and clothes? Then at Memphis he had Derrick Rose's brother getting flown around on a team jet and staying in hotels with the team. Oh and two of his players faked their SAT's but again he denied all knowledge of that. So if he's not sleazy he's unworldly incompetent?

David Carradine - Better known as Bill from "Kill Bill" David was found hanging in a Bangkok hotel room with a chord wrapped around his genitals. If you go out like that, no vote.

"M" - As many of you know "M" just graduated college and took his last CPA exam. So upon arriving at home and leaving a town with 20,000 girls his age he decided to shave his hideous beard, start running, and started to learn how to cook. I don't even know where to start, but I do know that stupidity of this degree voids all voting privileges.

Friday Potpourri Extravanganza

- awesome t-shirt I saw today:

- every year you see a story about a valedictorian's speech being censored, this is the first one of note. Pretty solid speech.

- Halo Reach: you knew Master Chief would be back.


- Assassin's Creed 2 trailer: the graphics in this clip are simply stunning.


- Total Eclipse of the Heart (literal version): Instantly one of my favorite youtube videos of all time.


- Pale Blue Dot: This video is old but its worth a look.


- Canadian PSA: worst commercial ever. WARNING not for the faint of heart.


- Nick Cage punching a chick while wearing a bear suit: need I say more?

The 10 Best Video Games of the Ought's (2000's)

The games listed below are strictly my favorite video games of the last five years. Missing from the list are MMORPGs, RPGs, and PS2 & PS3 exclusives because I don't play RPGs and I don't own a playstation.

Honorable Mention -

- Tony Hawk Pro Skater (N64): HORSE games with friends were a right of passage during the 2000 summer.

- Rock Band (360): Probably the only game on this list that the female readers have played.

- Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast): Still my favorite game from the most underrated system.

- Super Mario Galaxy (Wii): Good platform game but lacks multi player for extended replay value.

#10 - Bioshock (360)
Simply put, Bioshock has the best campaign mode of any game this decade. Combining a first person shooter with Ayn Rand principles leads to a deep and enthralling story.

#9 - Shogun: Total War (PC)
Outside of Red Alert, this is my most played real time strategy game. Shogun: Total War takes place in 16th century Japan where 8 different war lords are battling for control of the island nation. Each war lord has a specific advantage on both the battlefield and in unit production. What made the game especially deep was it's historical accuracy. You interact with Western European countries, Christian missionaries, and Western weapons; guns. If you are ever bored and have $10 I recommend running to your local Gamestop and start your quest to be Shogun.

#8 - Halo Wars (360)
I have to admit that this pick is a reach and might backfire on me in a couple of years but screw it. I have only owned this game for a few short months but it has instantly become one of my favorite games on Xbox 360. Halo Wars is the first RTS (Real Time Strategy) game to be built solely for the console. Ensemble Studios did an incredible job of keeping the controls simple while not dumbing down the game.

#7 - MVP Baseball 2004 (Xbox)
EA's last professional baseball game is still the best that's ever been made. MVP's controls are mapped extremely well and the game play flows perfectly. Pitching and hitting mechanics are easy to learn but also very deep. One of my fondest memories of freshman year is my no hitter against Greg in game 7 of the "World Series", thrown by Kerry Wood of course.

#6 - Gears of War (360)
Gears of War was the first true next generation game. The graphics are still a benchmark for current games while also containing one of the better story lines in video game history.

#5 - Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (Multi-platform)
What separates Vice City from other Grand Theft Auto games is look and sound of the game. Taking place in the 1980's, Rock Star studios uses hits like Billie Jean to really immerse the player in the culture of Vice City. Just a fantastic game.

#4 - Super Smash Brothers Melee (GQ)
This game can be summed up by a good friend and former roommate, "Oh what a surprise you pick the juggernaut, I mean Samus. He has a travelling smash attack that crosses the entire level." Can anyone guess who this is?

#3 - Halo 3 (360)
Two years after its release Halo 3 is still the most popular game on xbox live. Besides having a lengthy campaign, Halo 3's multi player options provide a virtually endless replay value. With the ability to edit maps, game types, and highlight reels Halo 3 is a standard to which any multi player game must be measured.

#2 - Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Activision's first step out pf WW2 resulted in one of the greatest video games of this or any generation. Call of Duty 4 plays at a dizzying 60 frames per second and does so without any glitches or lag. Call of Duty 4 is a marvel both visually and technically.

#1 - Halo: Combat Evolved (Xbox)
Not a whole lot needs to be said about the greatest FPS of all time. Halo revolutionized not only first person shooters but also multi player games in general. Some of the best times of my freshman year were spent playing pre-dinner capture the flag games against my G4 hall mates.

200

Yes that's right, this is the 200th post of Don't Put That on The Internet.

Rather than look back on our hits (People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote & Misc. Experiences Whilst at Home) and misses (journalism grads from Illinois and NU) I want to ask you our loyal readers what can we do better?

Does the blog need a female voice?

Is the website too long?

Do you want more tv, movie, and music reviews?

Should Tim be kicked off the blog?

Please use the comment section to answer any of these and feel free to give your own constructive and nonconstructive criticism.

TV (need I say more?)

Being back at home, I’ve been watching a decent amount of TV again. And yes, my family still doesn’t have cable. As a result, I’ve been watching some “awesome” new summer shows with my Mom. I thought I’d give a quick recap about some of them for you. Don’t judge me based on these shows.

Help I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

A bunch of washed up C-level or below celebrities are taken into the jungle of Costa Rica and forced to “rough it out” there. I use quote here because they have hammocks, sweet sleeping bags, and pop-up beds to sleep on. We should all be so lucky when we camp for recreational purposes. The audience is able to vote on what certain tasks that the celebrities will have to perform to avoid going home. Basically, it’s like camping. Really, the dumbass conversations are the most entertaining part of the show. Here’s a quick rundown of the some of the characters and convos had:

Mrs. Patti Blagojevich– She slips and floats down a river for a little while at the beginning of the episode. Her only other contribution is a bitch-fest rant about how “they made a big hoopla out of something that wasn’t even true” and how her husband (Rod Blagojevich) has been treated unfairly and impeached on totally made up and unsubstantiated claims, from which he was unable to defend himself. Of course, her derelict co-stars completely support her and hang on her every word. Her stupidity is only topped by Spencer Pratt’s (douche from The Hills) profound and consoling words of “the truth always wins, that’s the most powerful thing in the world”. This brings me to…

The Hills Douche Bags – Spencer and Heidi Pratt have to be 2 of the most annoying people alive. They ask to go home from the show literally within hours of arriving in Costa Rica, but end up staying. I’m sure it’s all just a ploy for more attention and pity from the group. Spencer gets upset because Torrie Wilson (ex-professional WCW female wrestler) makes fun of all the hair product shit that Heidi brought. He flips shit, yelling at everyone and then proceeds to hide Torrie’s backpack in the jungle and make her look for it. Seriously, this guy’s a 5 year old. One last thing about him, he tells Stephen Baldwin that he’s a black belt in martial arts and isn’t afraid of anyone, which isn’t impressing anyone. I’ll make my comment on Heidi quick. She says, “That being in the jungle living like they are is like torture”, followed up by, “we should do this to al-Qaida”. I’m pretty sure that al-Qaida would be absolutely relieved to live like these celebrities are, as opposed to hiding and running for their lives in the hot-ass desert all the time.

John Salley – What happened to you man? What are you doing on this show? You were a professional basketball player. Seriously, get it together.

Stephen Baldwin – I heard you were on the apprentice and now on this show. Can you say a revitalization of this guy’s career? I haven’t seen him since that sky diving robbery film (Cutaway), or his other smash hit Bio-Dome. Both excellent films by the way. You seem somewhat normal, for a celebrity, so I won’t say anything bad about you.

The rest of the people are a bunch of nobodies but here they are anyway: Janice Dickinson, Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya Malakar, Torrie Wilson, Frangela (2 fat unfunny women comedians that combined their names and no one has ever heard of).

The Bachelorette 5

Nothing really to say about this show except that Jillian Harris (the bachelorette) is pretty good looking. By good looking, I mean hot, but not celebrity hot. Also, this total meathead-psycho, David, freaked out about how this one guy, Juan, was fake and not friends with all of the other guys in the house. The whole issue started because Juan faked taking a shot with everyone else and pretended to choke on the bad taste. While this is a total bitch-face move on his part and I do agree with David, I certainly wouldn’t freak out over it and wouldn’t want to come across as just another brain moron on a reality show that gets pissed off because others aren’t “real” enough on the show. Other than that, the show’s just a couple of Turd Fergusons trying to play the guitar and become famous through the show. LAME!

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien

Conan is back and hasn’t lost a step! While Tom thinks that Conan will not last 1 year in his new time slot (10:30-11:30pm on NBC), I disagree. After seeing last night’s show, Conan was on his game and is here to stay. It was classic Conan humor at its best and it killed. In addition to having an awesome first guest and band, Will Farrell and Pearl Jam, Conan kept the zany humor and inanimate guest characters going, like “the letter D” from the Hollywood sign. Also, I was pleasantly surprise to see “the string dance”, for you Conan followers out there. My hope is that he is not pressured to deviate from his wacky humor that brought him success on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Finally, the addition of Conan’s sidekick, Andy Richter, was a great idea. He already poops on David Letterman’s side-tumor, Paul Shaffer. Conan and Andy, being longtime friends and working together on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, pick up right where they left off and seem to play well off of each other. Tonight’s guests are Tom Hanks and Green Day. Be sure to check out the next big thing on late night TV.

Until Next Time,

-M-