Friday, August 29, 2008

College Football Picks - Week 1


Tom Tim Mike

(0-0) (0-0) (0-0)




#20 Illinois at #6 Missouri Illinois Illinois Chief




Syracuse at Northwestern Northwestern Northwestern Syracuse




Utah at Michigan Utah Michigan Michigan




Northern Illinois at Minnesota Minny Minnesota Minny




Michigan State at California MSU California California




Washington at No. 21 Oregon Wash Oregon Oregon




No. 24 Alabama at No. 9 Clemson Bama Clemson Clemson




Colorado State at Colorado Colorado Colorado Colorado




Kentucky at Louisville Louisville Louisville Louisville




No. 18 Tennessee at UCLA Rocky Top Tennessee Tenn

Thursday, August 28, 2008

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote



People who listen to Nickelback - If and when you present your payment for a Nickelback CD your voter registration card should be taken as well.

People who take up two seats on the train - Any ass clown who feels its his or her right to take up two seats on a train simply doesn't deserve the same rights as the rest of us.

The state of Louisiana - They just now banned cockfighting. That's right up until a few months ago grown men were legally equipping roosters with razor blades and watching them go at it.

After reviewing previous People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote entries I feel that about 68% of the nation is still able to vote. This, in my opinion, is still way to high.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Furiouserest!

Back by popular demand, by popular I mean douchebags everywhere who live at home and spend their weekends modifying Scions.

Fast & Furious

Monday, August 25, 2008

Kid Rock: America’s confusing infatuation with talentless trash



Everyone knows that I am passionate about music. I’m always eager to participate in any music fueled discussion; I’m full of opinions and have been known to crash the WPGU radio station during the late-night hours under the alias Figalicious Def or DJ Figtree. Regardless, many of my proclamations are disputed and instigate friendly banter. This, however, is one of the rare musical decrees that is unchallengeable, something that everyone readily accepts and embraces. Kid Rock is simply the proverbial trash of the music society. Any of his musical accolades are unfounded and without merit.

  1. He bastardizes music

Last week I was driving in my car and flipping through the radio. In a rare moment of listening to 101.9, I heard Kid Rock’s new single All Summer Long. The song is fueled by samplings from Warren Zevon’s classic Werewolves of London and Skynyrd’s southern-rock staple Sweet Home Alabama. Upon hearing the opening beats of All Summer Long, I gave Rock the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was covering Werewolves and offering up a more contemporary take on a modern classic. After listening to 30 seconds of Rock’s cliché narrative discussing puberty, simpler times (read: lack of internet) and lake-side lovin’, I knew my ambitious expectation of a crafty cover was a disappointing assumption. What irritates me most about this is that Rock is unabashedly riding the coattails of established and celebrated musicians. The overwhelming majority of people who listen to Kid Rock’s “music” will recognize the song’s catchy back beats as Rock’s own handy work, much like people crediting The Ataris with Don Henley’s hit Boys of Summer. God forbid 10 years from now, Fitzgerald turns on Werewolves in London at a corporate party (which is a given) and someone jumps up and says “OMG I LOVE THIS SONG,” only to slump back into their seat when they realize it’s not the Kid Rock trash of 2008. All I’m asking for is society to have an understanding of context and to pay respect where it is deserved.

  1. He has no sex appeal

How does someone with no sex appeal land (and marry) Pamela Anderson you ask? Well, for starters, she’s tainted goods and probably carries a handful of STD’s. I’m sure Pamela was so annoyed with each and every male partner’s request to use an oral latex barrier when kissing that she decided to lower her standards until she found a partner who had the same cocktail of critters infesting their privates, which just so happened to be Kid Rock. Not to mention, a few months earlier she divorced Tommy Lee and was looking for someone “a few spots lower on the totem pole” to worship the tissue she used to wipe her ass. Kid Rock is slimy, gross and probably smells like a truck stop bathroom, not to mention he also has a sex tape that co-stars Scott Stapp (lead singer of Creed anyone?). Anyone who considers him “eye candy,” or even remotely attractive for that matter, needs to reevaluate their life.

  1. His fan core is confused and needs guidance

True story: I was at a local establishment with a few friends enjoying a typical Friday night when some guy starts pumping quarters into the jukebox. After a quick song selection, the j-crewed behemoth struts over to a table of two girls and flips his collar skyward. Almost on cue, Rock’s early single Cowboy comes over the speakers and the guy goes berserk. He starts rapping and dancing inches from the girls’ faces with movements and expressions that look straight out of a primordial mating ritual. Despite persistent looks of disinterest from the girls, not to mention the clearly audible laughter from onlookers, the guy presses on and continues his act for another minute until the girls leave. I’m not asking Rock to be a role model, as that would be the end of society. It’s just that, it isn’t every day an artist comes along and immediately bonds with the socially retarded. Rock has managed to reach a group that before could only be touched by Fred Durst and Limp Bizkit. With Durst and his band no more, Rock must soldier on and single handedly carry the rap-rock-douchebag torch. Rock’s ability to identify with this crowd is an incredibly rare and powerful achievement, and as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility.

  1. He has no musical talent

All of our parents have at one point said something to the effect of “try, try again” and the old, timeless mantra “practice makes perfect.” Rocks parents obviously forgot the latter, as he is listed as spanning no less than four musical genres and eight musical instruments, none of which he appears to be even remotely accomplished in. I’ve obviously already driven home this point, but feel free to reread my first bullet. On a totally unrelated note, did I mention he was arrested for involvement in a brawl at a Waffle House?

  1. His career is sustained by cameos

In my opinion, the pinnacle of Kid Rock’s career was his cameo on Run’s House, a TV show following rapper Rev Run and the everyday happenings of his family. There really isn’t much here, other than Rock wears an “I love Black People t-shirt” to a Hooters while accompanying Rev Run and his Family (who are Black) and later purchases a Les Paul guitar ($$$$) for Russy, Rev’s youngest son, who is 10 years old, tops. Don’t think I’m forgetting his breakout performance in Joe Dirt. Ever notice how Rock is the only one not wearing a costume? Great to see Rock remaining active in between albums, must be an easy life when musical crap is your golden ticket.


Guest Blogger - Mark Figura

Give the Man an Emmy!


Friday, August 22, 2008

I'll try to make this interesting

Dear readers, (all two of you)

It has been pointed out that (1) I have been asked to blog and (2) this is especially interesting since Tom hates girls. I think in some distorted sense Tom respects me because maybe one day I told *a* funny joke. Whatever it was, I'm riding the wave out.

So now I feel like I have to up the ante a bit to keep the naysayers at bay. (Eeks) So some interesting things: I ran into Mayor Daley today, must have cut out of Beijing early. I was struggling to keep my skirt from flying in the wind (this has happened twice to me in the past two weeks-- like right up to my face), all the while holding a stack of files and an umbrella to go file stuff in court for work. Just outside of City Hall I got a little flustered with my juggling act and oops, bumped into Mayor Daley. Think he schmoozed enough for us to the IOC? I hope so...

And thennn, as if my life were one of those movies that have references to other great movies, outside of the Daley Center, there seemed to be a German festival and it reminded me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. No dancing on any steps, but there was sufficient amount of Lederhosen.

So that was all in one trip and this is completely unconnected, but I think funny enough it needs to be shared. Outside of the train stations (I've seen him at Ogilvy and Union) there's a man asking for money, but his sign is a bit different.

"My girlfriend was kidnapped by ninjas. Need money for ransom and kung fu lessons."

Well, some points for creativity. I'm going to take a picture next time I see him and add it to my album of strange/hilarious things.

Ok, well that's it for now. Maybe this will keep Tom from bugging me to post something for at least two days. Have a good weekend!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

R.I.P. Dr. X










LeRoi Moore (1961-2008)
People, People from 5,26,1992: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qmc9x7

As we sat this afternoon contemplating the loss of our brother, we wondered how we could possibly do a show today. Dave put it into perspective stating, "There's no place I'd rather be than here with you guys right now." We cherish special memories of our lost friend. Tonight, Dave told a story about LeRoi at a bar in Virginia where the cash register was near the stage and LeRoi leaned on the register because "standing had become a chore". Roi proceeded to play the most beautiful version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Dave said, "that was the day I fell in love with him. And I'm still in love with him." It's safe to say we all were in love with him. "It's always easier to leave, than to be left." -DM

Listen to 8.19.08
Review:
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/dave-matthews-and-2130616-leroi-moore
STAGE LEFT!

Monday, August 18, 2008

And then there were FOUR

Hello Boys! Tom's just invited the first ever female blogger. I'm Christina, Tom's friend from Prison & Stouffer. Just wanted to introduce myself before I have my blogging debut. I'm into long walks on the beach, beers, burgers and other lady stuff.

More feminine fun to come-- stay tuned.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A Baseball rule change 10.19 (C) (5)


Relief pitcher's wins and losses records are often the worst way of tracking a pitcher's success. But since the W-L records are here to stay, baseball should ammend one glaring loophole for relief pitchers. Currently a pitcher is credited for a win even after allowing a tying or go-ahead run if his team's offense can rally.
If Bobby Jenks entered in the 9th inning with the Sox leading 1-0 and allowed the opposing team to tie the game and the Sox offense responded in the bottom half of the 9th with a run to win the game, Jenks would get credit for a blown save and a win. How does this make sense?
I propose either crediting the most valuable Sox pitcher (in the scorekeeper's mind) or instituting a "Team Win."
Calculating "team wins" would be another way to evaluate teams with a tendencey to rally and score late. For fantasy players, team wins would be similar to defenses in NFL fantasy leagues. Players would draft teams and earn points each time the team's offense bailed out a weak bullpen.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hello, People

I'd like to take this space to formally welcome myself to the blog. It's taken me a while to make my first post because I had nothing to say...and I still don't. In the place of writing are 3 radio hits I'm digging:
1. My Morning Jacket/I'm Amazed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzdoOGUsEKg
2. Candlebox/Stand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v49oAoSiBuQ
3. Spoon/Underdog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LenPKPqvdJA

Oh, and if you can avoid this current season of Weeds. Terrible. Except one scene.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote


People who buy Donald Trump brand clothing - Anyone who wants to dress like Donald Trump or thinks he has good taste is absolutely brain dead. The only possible exception to this is finding a Trump collection tie or shirt in the bottom of a bin at a Goodwill store.

People over the age of 25 who hold hands in public - First of all, it is uncomfortable. Have you ever seen someone holding hands who looked comfortable? I haven't. Secondly, there is nothing more pathetic than seeing a 30 something couple holding hands as they wait to get on the morning train. If you want to act like teenagers than you get the rights of teenagers; none.

Old people - Should adults that wear diapers and forget what year it is really be allowed to shape our economic policies? What I read in one day on drudgereport.com is more than most of them learned in all of high school.

The State of Iowa - http://wcco.com/local/failed.dog.neuter.2.793123.html

Friday, August 8, 2008

2008 Illinois Football Preview - Offense

In 2007 the Fighting Illini offense gained over 3,300 rushing yards and almost 2,200 yards through the air. The offense lost wide receiver Jacob Willis and starting offensive lineman Akim Millington and Martin O'Donnell to graduation while junior running back Rashard Mendenhall left school early for the NFL. While losing Mendenhall and his 2,000 all purpose yards may seem like a daunting task, Juice Williams and a crop of talented wide receivers look up to the challenge.

Offensive Line

The offensive line is headlined by converted defensive tackle now left tackle Xavier Fulton. Fulton enters his second year as the starter and should really excel from day one. Lining up at left guard will most likely be 5th year senior Eric Block. Block is one of the last Ron Turner recruits and while not as strong as the man he is replacing, Martin O'Donnell, Block is more agile. Look for offensive coordinator Mike Locksley to "pull block" a lot more with Eric than he did the previous few years with O'Donnell.

Returning at center is senior Ryan McDonald. McDonald brings plenty of experience and will be looked upon to bring Eric Block along. To McDonald's right is returning junior guard Jon Asamoah. Asamoah is a force and is on track for a career playing on Sunday.

Starting at right tackle will be redshirt sophomore Ryan Palmer. While this is his first year starting, Palmer played in 11 games last year replacing the often injured Akim Millington. If Palmer gets injured look for heralded freshman Graham Pocic or Craig Wilson to step up in his place. Many of you might recognize Craig Wilson as the giant black guy who was sitting on our kitchen table on Unofficial.

The offensive line has a few question marks however McDonald, Fulton, and Asamoah are good enough to compensate for any early mistakes. This year's line also has the potential to be much more mobile and you should see more runs to the outside and a few more screens.

Position rating: B

Wide Receiver and Tight End

The Illini lose senior Jacob Willis and junior Kyle Hudson (MLB Draft) however they return what may be one of the most deep and talented receiving corps in Illini history.Quarterback Juice William's top two targets will be converted tight end Jeff Cumberland and uber/ultra/mythical/demi-god slot receiver Arrelious Benn.

Look for Cumberland to have a break out year after a strong second half in which he seemed to finally look comfortable with the wide receiver position. After dislocating his shoulder, Benn played his entire freshman year with a shoulder harness which limited him physically, not this year. Benn will be reeking havoc upon defenses from both the slot and outside receiver positions. Also look for him to lineup in the backfield and catch both pitches and swing passes from Juice Williams.

The rest of the receiver core is a collection of talented albeit inexperienced players. Look for Chris James, who is returning from injury, to have a big year catching balls over the middle. Converted defensive back Chris Duvalt came out of nowhere in spring ball and seemed to catch everything thrown his way.

Freshman Jack Ramsey and Cordalle Scott will both look to make an impact and push their upperclassmen teammates.

Position rating: B+

Running Back and Fullback

With the loss of Rashard Mendenhall the Illini will most likely turn to a running back by committee. While last year's back-up Daniel Dufrene showed flashes of greatness, he simply isn't the every down back that Mendenhall was.

Dufrene will be joined by sophomore Troy Pollard and freshmen Mikel Leshoure and Jason Ford. Pollard started his collegiate career off very well last year, 6 yards a carry average, until he suffered a knee injury that caused him to miss the season. All reports seem to indicate he is 100% and should again contribute as a change of pace back.

Freshmen Mikel Leshoure and Jason Ford will be looked upon to pound the ball as they are the only backs that have the size needed to wear down defenses. Look for them to enter the game late in the second and fourth quarters as offensive coordinator Mike Locksley will look to wear down opposing defenses.

One loss not to be overlooked is that of fullback Russ Weil. Weil did a great job not only blocking for Mendenhall but also pass blocking for Williams. Sophomore Rahkeem Smith is bigger and more athletic than Russ Weil however what Weil lacked in physical tools he more than made up for in veteran moxy.

Position rating: B-

Quarterback

Juice Williams and Eddie McGee made great strides last year and will once again be counted upon as the Illini signal callers. Williams improved his completion percentage from 39% to 57% while also executing one of the nation's most efficient running attacks. While Williams loses running mate Rashard Mendenhall, he gains a vastly improved receiving corps. Reports from camp so far tell of a mature Williams who has found a better sense of touch on his passes and accuracy on out routes. Look for Williams' completion percentage to be above 65% this upcoming season.

Back-up extraordinaire Eddie McGee will continue to push Williams and will look to fill in if Williams is injured or ineffective. Freshman Jacob Charest will most likely be redshirted however his future seems to be very bright with reports that the football jumps out of his hand.

Position rating: B+

Overall the offense should be more explosive than 2007 as well as more diversified. Teams will no longer be able to stack eight in the box which should make life easier on the backs. The two most important players on offense are left tackle Xavier Fulton and wide receiver Arrelious Benn. Without Fulton the Illini would need to keep a tight end on the line to block and without the Benn the Illini offense becomes much more manageable. With them healthy the Illini offense should be one of the most dangerous in the Big Ten.

2008 Illinois Football Preview - Defense




During its 2007 Rose Bowl year, the Fighting Illini defense was led by seniors J Leman, Chris Norwell, Antonio Steele, Justin Harrison and Kevin Mitchell. Replacing those players will not be easy, but Ron Zook is a great recruiter and now is the time for his guys to contribute.

Defensive Line

This should be the strength of not only the defense, but the team. This group will rotate 8 or 9 guys throughout the game, so starting doesn’t mean much. Will Davis (9.5 sacks) and Doug Pilcher (5.5 sacks) should start at either defensive end spot with Derek Walker, Jerry Brown, Antonio James and Clay Nurse filtering in throughout the game.

Defensive tackle is a place on the defense that doesn’t have much depth at this time. Returning starter and former walk-on David Lindquist (4.5 sacks) will lead this group along with sophomore Josh Brent and Sirod Williams. Zook hopes to have one of the DEs transition and play DT on passing downs to mitigate the lack of depth at DT. Highly touted freshmen recruits Corey Liuget and Reggie Ellis should push for playing time and be a part of the rotation by the Big Ten season.

The D-line should be good enough to get to the quarterback with just the front four, leading to better coverage downfield. With so many guys rotating in and out, this unit will wear down opponents and should have some big second halves this year. Davis is a first day NFL Draft talent and Lindquist and Walker can also play in the league. Filling the second DT spot will be an area of concern, with Brent hopefully providing stability there. He is a highly regarded player with a ton of potential and is expected to make a significant contribution.

Position rating: A

Linebacker

Illinois will have to replace their two leading tacklers from last year at linebacker, J Leman and Antonio Steele. Britt Miller (62 tackles) returns as a starter for this group and uber-recruit Martez Wilson will have another starting spot. The battle for the third linebacker will probably come down to Rodney Pittman and Sam Carson, with Pittman probably leading at this point. Freshmen Ian Thomas Justin Staples should find themselves on special teams and as backups.

Miller and Wilson have the talent to make up for whoever the third spot is filled by, and the Illini will probably play a lot of nickel with only two linebackers. The defense funnels through Miller, so his being in shape and ready to go from the start will be very important to the success of this unit.

Position rating: B-

Secondary

At cornerback, the Illini could be the best in the Big Ten and this unit is led by All-American candidate Vontae Davis. This should be the last season for the junior, who is a potential top 10 pick in next year’s NFL Draft. On the other side, junior Dere Hicks is fresh off his first season as a starter, where he had two interceptions. The third cornerback will be sophomore Miami Thomas, who had his coming out party against Ohio State last season with an interception. Freshmen Patrick Nixon and Tavon Wilson will have to impress to crack this rotation.

The safety position is inexperienced but talented. Replacing starters Kevin Mitchell and Justin Harrison will not be easy. Junior College transfer Donsay Hardeman has serious potential and sophomore Travon Bellamy was as good as Vontae Davis his freshman year before a leg injury sidelined him for all of last season. These two should be the starters by the first game of the year if Hardeman can learn the playbook and be trusted by the coaches. Sophomores Nate Bussey, Bo Flowers and Garrett Edwards should provide solid depth at this position and on special teams. Sophomore Brian Gamble played receiver last year but could be in the mix at safety this year if he chooses to play defense.

The battle for the nickelback spot will probably come down to Miami Thomas, Bo Flowers and Nate Bussey, with Flowers playing the most of the three. The nickel will be especially important against teams like Missouri and Indiana, who open up the field and try to exploit the secondary.

Position grade: B

Overall, the defense is very good up front on the line, which should make life easier for the linebacking corps and secondary. Illinois needs to avoid big plays by not blowing assignments at safety. Kevin Mitchell and Justin Harrison weren’t the fastest or most talented players, but they knew where to be and didn’t get beat often. If the new starting safeties can avoid big plays, the Illinois defense has a chance to be among the best in the Big Ten.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Random Musings

The saying "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it" has to be the dumbest saying of all time. I wish for a billion dollars. I'm not naive to think that because I have a billion dollars life will be perfect.

Is there anything sadder than seeing a grown man driving a VW Bug? The answer is yes and its a grown man driving a convertible VW Bug.

Along those same lines, a motorcycle is to a man as a VW Bug is to a woman. Everytime I see crotch rocket I think its cool but I would never actually ride one. And when you meet the people that do it reinforces that thought.

With local communities erecting skate parks, multiple video game franchises, and ESPY categories is skate boarding still rebellious and the thing to do once you get cut from the basketball team?

It finally dawned on me what people in Indiana do in the summer without baseball. Meth.

Has anyone been to a Portillos when there wasn't a line of some sort? I am also equally amazed at how despite their 1960's ordering system, mumbling into a microphone, they screw up my order less frequently than Chili's.

Movie Review: Pineapple Express


Pineapple Express is an action/comedy/stoner flick that revolves around process server Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) and his drug dealer Saul (James Franco). The movie follows their shenanigans and adventures after Dale witnesses a murder outside of a house he was supposed to serve a subpoena to. Rosie Perez, of White Men Can't Jump fame, turns in a good performance as a dirty cop and Gary Cole, Bill Lumbergh in Office Space, plays the head of the local marijuana ring.

While Seth Rogen and James Franco are pretty funny, the actor who steals the movie is Danny McBride, Hot Rod and The Foot Fist Way. McBride plays Red, Saul's supplier who provides Saul with a new highly potent blend of marijuana called "pineapple express". Without his performance I don't know if my review of the movie would be as favorable. McBride was hilarious in every scene he was in and you just know that he is in line for a starring role in Judd Apatow's next blockbuster comedy.

While Pineapple Express was pretty funny throughout it rarely reached levels of comedy experienced while watching Superbad nor did it have as many memorable one liners as an Anchorman or Old School. There were also a couple of times when a good number of people in the theatre laughed and I had no clue what they were laughing at. I would assume they were laughing at a stoner joke, a good amount of the people there were high. So I guess if you smoke a lot of weed you may find this movie a little funnier.

Despite those few issues Pineapple Express is funny throughout and is really bolstered by a great supporting cast. Director David Gordon Green does a fantastic job of blending slapstick comedy and conversational humor all the while telling a story that is much deeper than previous stoner flicks (Cheech and Chong).

Pineapple Express receives a 6.5/10

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Isosceles Triangle: Larry David vs Judd Apatow







This week's battle will be between who is funnier, Judd Apatow or Larry David.



Tom: Hello Tim, While I can not own you in this argument over real space and time, doing so in cyber space will still give me great joy. Judd Apatow...Anchorman, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Talladega Nights, Knocked Up, Superbad, Walk Hard, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and StepBrothers. Boom.


Tim: Hello Tom, While your selection Mr. Apatow has produced some memorable movies over the last couple of years, I give you Larry David...Seinfeld Seasons 1-7. Curb Your Enthusiasm Seasons 1-6. This is over now, right?


Tom: Oh no Tim, this dance is just beginning. Not only did Mr. Apatow produce, write, direct the aforementioned movies, he also produced one of the most beloved TV shows of all time, Freaks and Geeks. Before doing that he won a little thing called an Emmy for the Ben Stiller Show. One could say that Judd Apatow is the potato of the movie industry.


Tim: An Emmy is your trump card? Mr. David also has one. Thanks for trying though. Also, Larry David stars in his own show unlike Judd, who hides behind the camera. I couldn't even tell you what he looks like.


Tom: Trump card? Hardly. Mr. Apatow was also the lead writer on the Larry Sanders show, billed as the greatest comedy of all time by Bill Simmons. While writing and producing the Larry Sanders Show, Judd also did an emergency rewrite of the Cable Guy. How did Larry David do on the big screen? Was it Sour Grapes or something like that? All I know is that it bombed and bombed hard.


Tom: Oh and I forgot, he also rewrote The Wedding Singer. BAM!


Tim: Wow, you went to Sour Grapes earlier than I thought. Drillbit Taylor, anyone? Just because you rush a movie, that doesn't make it good. The Cable Guy wasnt even that good of a movie. I would've hated to see what it was like before the re-write. Bill Simmons thinks compiling an NBA Live team while drunk is a terrific source of entertainment, so I'm not sure why you're deferring to him here. Do we know how funny Apatow is in real life? He has the luxury of using actors like Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler, who can make terrible movies funny on their own. David had Jerry Seinfeld, who while funny was not the best actor, Jerry Alexander, who has done nothing since the show, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hasn't done much and Michael Richards, who failed miserably in his TV show attempts.


Tim: I'm sorry, Larry David has 2 Emmys.


Tom: Drillbit Taylor was a victim of Grand Theft Auto 4's epic release. Besides Drillbit Taylor made its money back unlike Sour Grapes. Julia Dreyfuss won a best actress in a comedy emmy for New Adventures of the Old Christine. Jason Alexander was a talented broadway actor before and after Seinfeld and for all we know Larry David turned Micheal Richards into a racist. Larry David didn't even write half of the Seinfeld episodes, he was basically a leech on Jerry and even now on Curb all of the dialogue is improv so basically he thinks about what scenes would be funny. Bravo.


Tim: Curb Your Enthusiasm doesn't need a script to be funny. All it needs is Larry David. I could watch him do just about anything and it would make me laugh. Oh, and George Steinbrenner. That is all.


Tom: Well I can not argue with fact that the mere presence of the man makes you laugh. I will take my bag of past, present, and future Apatow classics and go home. Till we meet again.


Tim: We can only hope that Apatow will continue to pump out quality movies the way he has recently, but Larry David has exhibited the staying power to be my choice in this discussion. No sour grapes, Tim.

Random Thoughts

Is there anything in baseball worse than losing an extra inning game that your team came back to tie late? You lose the game, you kill your bullpen for a week, and you wasted 4 or 5 hours of your life watching the game. But if you win that game, all is well.

You couldn’t pool together a larger bunch of rejects than the cast of Vh1’s I Love Money. It is a combination of the cast from I Love New York, Flavor of Love and Rock of Love. They should have added the people from MTV’s Real World Challenges. Whoever contracts the most STDs wins.

Also, the people from Rock of Love have real names that are just as ridiculous as the fake ones from Flavor of Love. Destiney and Rodeo or Pumkin and Toastee? Way to go Brett Michaels.

When someone spells a word out over the phone and gives a name for every letter, it is great comedy. Unless you are a professional who does this on a routine and has go-to words (alpha, beta, etc.), the words people come up with are priceless. I’ve heard in the last week, “T as in tarantula, E as in emu, G as in generation, and H as in homeless.” You can't make this stuff up.

Old people trying to use computers. That should be a TV show and a hilarious one.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote


"People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote" will hopefully become a weekly segment analyzing the dregs of society that still somehow have as much say in our government as you and me.

The State of West Virginia - See above picture and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwZ--jw_YIE

People with giant umbrellas - These are the morons who when it rains decide to bring an umbrella large enough to protect a medium sized circus animal. Not only is it ridiculous to simply look at, it requires that everyone walking around them to move out of the way.

Evangelicals - Should people who believe they can be "born again" virgins really have the power to decide whether or not stem cell research should be legalized?

People with STD's - If a person isn't smart enough to use protection should they really be deciding the leader of the free world?

Friday, August 1, 2008

Random Musings

Is it just me or is swearing one of the more unattractive things a girl can do? I don't mind swearing in the heat of the moment or passion but when a girl swears in everyday conversation...ick. It just makes her seem dirty and trashy. And yes, I know I have a double standard.

Paul Konerko has to be the oldest looking 32 year old on earth.

Although that title will be taken when/if Amy winehouse turns 32.

Whats the deal with notice of public hearing signs on highways or other busy roads? Are we really expected to read size 14 font while driving 50 mph?

The Brewers and more specifically Eric Gagne are a bunch of douchebags. Rather than actually beat the Cubs on the scoreboard Gagne throws high and behind Jim Edmonds after he had already hit two homeruns. This told me all I need to know about their mental makeup and I now predict the Cubs finish 9 games ahead of the Brewers.

Speaking of Gagne, why is his consecutive save record not talked about when people talk about records that should have an asterik? The guy took HGH and as soon as they start cracking down he becomes terrible. If I was Goose Gossage or whoever held the record before I would be making a scene outside ESPN's headquarters.

Who did more damage to the U of I basketball program, Eric Gordon or Jamar Smith?